Do or Die
by LadyBarlow
Summary: This is a new story based on the new series. It does centre around Nick and Zoe obviously but other characters are included and its more like a spin off from the new series. I was inspired to write due to lack of nick/Zoe storylines. Ahhh just read it.
1. Chapter 1

**_Well its been a while and I thought I would write a new fic based on the new series and lack of Nick and bloody Zoe interaction! Its been going around my head the last few weekends so i thought I would give it ago. Here goes._**

**Chapter 1**

The past few weeks had been his worst nightmare. Nick sat back in his chair and sighed as he pondered over things in his head. He rubbed the side of his temples and sighed once more. After the shooting fiasco, the ED had been under so much scrutiny in the press and from the board, which had put Nick under intense pressure to make things right. There was no way on this earth that he would be bowing out without restoring his reputation. He was doing anything within his power to make things right again, including causing outrage and uneasiness amongst his staff which he hated doing, but more importantly he hadn't had the time or energy to sort out the mess that was his private life. Right now he had to concentrate on the one thing that never lied to him and that was the ED, his ED. If things were bad in the ED there was no lieing, no pretending it was what it was and he knew how to handle it. His relationship on the other-hand was the exact opposite. He snickered to himself at the thought of comparing the ED with his love-life. Typical Nick Jordan. After Zoe's little outburst in the ED, they had decided to cool things for the time being what with everything that was going on. Although they hadn't really talked about it. Well they hadn't talked much at all about anything. Nick did what he always did and had cut his losses! He returned home one day and she was out of his flat. Simple. Right now she was a complication he just did not need, not that he didn't think about her all the time. He fidgeted uncomfortably in his chair as thoughts of her always made him on edge. He liked to think he was strong and that he didn't care, but he did. His thought patterns were disturbed by Tess banging on the door

"Mr Jordan", she said breathlessly, "There has been an incident at an old disused warehouse. The owner has gone crazy and was attempting to torch the building for the insurance money. There was, however, the new owners inside who had previously put the business into liquidation. Anyway he his holding them hostage but in a struggle to get away the roof has caved in and there are 6 casualties inside."

"Ok Tess what do we need to do?" He jumped up ready for action.

"Well we need to send a doctor asap. Jeff and Dixie are in there but the owner wont let anyone out to receive treatment."

"Ok wheres Doctor Winters she can attend the site." Nick said knowing Ruth would jump at the chance to help him out and to further her career.

"Mr Jordan the press and media have got wind of this and are at the site i think we may need to send someone else as well. We don't want any mistakes happening or any more bad press for the ED" Tess said.

"Yes you are correct as always Sister Bateman. Ill send Doctor Trueman and speak to Henry about getting cover. Can you explain to them whats going on whilst I deal with Henry please?" Nick asked

"Of course Ill sort it" and with that she was gone. Nick took a deep breath and thought for a minute. He then ran out of his office and up to see Henry.

"Come in" Henry uttered and Nick burst in. "Aaaah Mr Jordan you and i meeting up is becoming a regular feature of my daily schedule"

"there's been an incident.." Nick started but Henry interrupted.

"WHAT! ANOTHER ONE" He began to yell

"No.. no just listen." He said as he went on to explain the situation to Henry.

"SO you want me to cover your ED whilst 2 of your best doctors are out on the field dealing with an incident that is once again being covered by the very press that hate our guts." asked Henry sceptically

"Yes" replied Nick.

"Its suicide for the ED Nick, cant you see that one little slip and we are finished, YOU are finished."

"For gods sake Henry there are peoples lives at risk out there. People are in danger, our people. Its not about the bloody press its about doing our job and that is saving people. Trust me Henry, my doctors will not let me down. And when they come out of this saving their casualties and doing their job, the press are going to be kissing our holy arse! " Nick said sternly

"Ok Ok Mr Jordan ill send 2 locums down to you. But make this work Nick or you are out!" Henry shouted the last part as nick was out of the office in a flash. He rushed towards the lift and could feel his heart pounding against his chest. He knew this was do or die for them but he was there to save lives and that's what he would do, along with the help of his staff. He needed to get to the ED and onto the radio to give Adam and Ruth the direction that they needed and to highlight the importance of the case they were on. He wanted so badly to be able to go out there himself, but he knew he would be more of a danger than a help and that hurt him. He wiped the sweat from his brow as the lift doors opened and he was greeted with Doctor Winters covered in blood.

"Doctor Winters why are you still here. Whats happened?" He asked breathlessly

"Sorry im not following you Mr Jordan. Ive just been in the middle of a life saving procedure in resus and.."

"So Tess hasnt spoken to you?" He asked

"No Mr Jordan are you ok?" He didn't hear the last bit as he rushed over to the nurses station.

"Wheres Sister Bateman?" He shouted at Noel. Noel looked shocked and shrugged his shoulders. Nick proceeded toward cubicles calling Tess.

"MR Jordan Im here Ive been looking for you."

"Why the hell is Doctor Winters still in my ED?" He said angrily.

"Before you go off, Ruth was in the middle of a complicated procedure and couldn't be disturbed. Dr Hanna told me and asked me why i needed Ruth so desperately, so i explained what was happening to her and shes gone with Dr Trueman. Its fine they have gone together." Tess explained.

"Well I specifically asked for Dr Winters to go so she must go as soon as she has finished I cant leave Adam there alone... WAIT you said... DR HANNA? Zoe has gone with Adam?" It took a few seconds to compute and absorb what Tess had said and he went as white as a sheet. A feeling of sickness was buried deep in the pit of his stomach.

"Well she said it would be easier for her to attend because Ruth was busy and that you wouldn't mind. Her skill level is superior to Ruth's after all and shes a consultant so we all thought..." She broke off and saw how pale Nick had gotten. He was loosening his tie. "Are you ok Mr Jordan?" She asked

"Yes, yes. Sorry Tess what you did was perfectly correct under the circumstances. If anybody needs me ill be in my office contacting Dr Trueman."

With that he walked into his office and closed the door behind him. He Lent against it and closed his eyes. He was sick with worry that Zoe was out there in that dangerous situation. He knew that her skills far outweighed Ruth's and that she was a damn good doctor, but he would never intentionally put her in danger. It was wrong of him, but that was the reason he had sent Ruth inthe first place. He wanted Zoe in the ED with him, away from harm. He didn't want to put Zoe out there and in danger. He would never forgive himself if something happened. The sick feeling bean to rise into his throat and he sighed angrily.

"Stupid girl" He said outloud and shook his head.

**Hope you all like :) Please review if you want me to continue. **


	2. Chapter 2

**_Sorry guys about the delay, i have written this chapter 3 times coz my stupid computer has been having dramas and not saving so i had to start again. The 4th time of writing i got bored so sorry if its crap. Thanks for the reviews and this one is for you Jordan and Zoe forever just coz you have like THE BEST name ha ha! ;) of and yes the writers do seem to have forgotten the end of last series, and that zoe actually exists at all. Not happy! Enjoy_**

**_C_HAPTER 2**

Nick gathered his thoughts and sat at his desk and called through to Adam.

"Adam its nick whats happening?" He said

"We have just pulled up at the site there are journos everywhere! and the old bill."

"Right listen carefully. The press will be all over you like a rash once you get out there. All you need to do is say is No Comment ,do not let them get into your face are you hearing me? "

"Nick im not here to improve my celebrity status. Im here to save lives" Adam replied sarcastically.

"Yes, yes I know. But just be careful around the press they will be looking for one small mistake anything they can take to cause trouble. Make sure you cover your back. We have the potential here to turn everything around Doctor Trueman and I put 100% trust in you that you will be able to do so."

"Yes mr jordan, now can i get on with this please?" Adam sighed

"Yes! Oh and Adam please be careful and look after yourself. You are in a hostage situation. I don't want to have to refill your position. Take your mobile phone with you so we can keep in contact."

"OK OK now I really need to go mr Jordan..."

"One more thing... look after Zoe. If anything happens to her so help me god Doctor Trueman do you understand? now get out there!" With that he ended the conversation. Today was going to be a long day he thought...

At the emergency site Zoe and Adam had donned their luminus doctor jackets and were about to exit the ambulance.

"What did little miss sunshine want?" Asked Zoe.

"Oh the usual Jordan pep talk you know what hes like."

"Yeah unfortunately for me I do. Been there done that thank you. So we ready to do this?" She asked.

"Yeah ready when you are." Adam smiled. As Zoe went to open the ambulance door Adam grabbed her arm, " He does care you know. He told me to look after you." He winked at her and she tutted. "Lets go" She smiled and felt a warmth inside her. It was nice to feel something. Love was an emotion she had never felt properly before. not like this anyway. She swallowed as if trying to bury the feeling in the pit of her stomach.

They were surrounded by photographers as they left the ambulance and were being papped as they were greeted by the police inspector that was in charge of the operation. He explained to them exactly what to expect in a hostage situation and what was going on inside. Apparently there were 6 casualties including the owner who had a shotgun. 3 were walking wounded, and two had fallen through the roof. One had fallen onto a metal bar that he was now impaled on and the other was buried underneath a concrete slab. The gunman had suspected broken ribs where he had been hit by debris.

"OK Mr Johnson. The doctors are coming in now ok? I need your say so to let them in. You are in charge here we just dont want anybody to get hurt."

"Let them come in. The gun is pointed at the entrance if you try anything funny they are dead got it!" He yelled. Zoe looked at Adam and then Adam looked at Zoe. He raised his eyebrows "Well at least we know what Britney spears feels like now" He said as he elbowed one of the photographers away from him. They entered the building and began walking though the rubble. It looked like a war zone in there and Zoe felt like that's exactly where she was, especially seen as she had a shotgun pointed at her. They were shouting for Jeff and Dixie who eventually replied. They were all gathered behind a wall of fallen rubble. Above them were two beams that formed a cross where the roof used to be. That's when Zoe noticed the gunman standing in the corner high up on a beam and true to his word he had the gun pointed straight at them.

"OK Mr Johnson we are just here to help these people thats all. We have nothing to do with the police or anyone else." Adam shouted.

"Yeah yeah! You all stick together you lot! Try anything and your dead" he said as he loaded the gun and it echoed around the warehouse. Adam gulped.

"Look Mr Johnson i promise we are here only to help you guys. Are you ok? Do you need anything for the pain? If you come down i can take a look at you?" Zoe uttered.

"Don't worry about me just see to them, then you can get out" Zoe rushed over to Dixie who was with the patient that had been impaled on a scaffolding pole. Adam ran over to be with the other casualty. The paramedics explained their GCS levels what they had been given that they were tachycardic etc etc. Zoe managed to do the best she could for the patient by lessening the blood loss, by making the patient as stable as possible and by administering pain killers. They had been inside about 30 minutes and zoe decided she would try and talk to mr Johnson.

"Mr Johnson. We have done all we can for these people but they need to get to a hospital. I cant remove the scaffolding here and if we do not remove it soon then this man will die!" She was really nervous but didn't show it.

"NO WAY! NOBODY GOES!" He shouted angrily and pointed the gun towards her.

"Mr Johnson, you seem like a reasonable man. You are not a murderer. Not yet anyway and if you let my colleagues here take these 2 men to hospital then i will stay here with you. "

"DONT TELL ME WHAT I AM BITCH! I HAD EVERYTHING TILL THESE BASTARDS CAME ALONG! THEY SHOULD KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE!"

"Im sure they are understanding your pain right now Mr Johnson and i know you are not a murderer. You are a regular guy like me and Adam over there. you just had a course of bad luck but these people don't deserve to die do they?" She asked. "Do you have a family mr Johnson?"

"Whats it to you if i do?" He replied nastily.

"Well Im sure they don't want a part time Dad and husband who they only see in a prison cell? Can you imagine what it must be like to grow up without a dad, they need you."

"How do you know im married? YOU HAVE SPOKEN TO THEM!THEY HAVE TOLD YOU TO SAY THIS!" He yelled at her and swung around pointing the gun at her.

"No, wait calm down. I know you are married because I can see the wedding ring on your finger. your left hand is holding the barrel of the gun" She was breathing heavily. Inside her bones were rattling with fear but outside there was not a movement, not even a single lip quiver. "and whats more i know you are a family man. Only a family man would do what you are doing. I understand it, I get you Mr Johnson. You have lost the very thing that used to feed and clothe your family. You feel the need for revenge. God I know whats it like to lose a child, to know i will never ever have the feeling you are having right now. The feeling that you would do anything for your family." Zoe's eyes glazed over with tears at the thought of Sharice and her being taken away. The thought that for a few brief weeks she knew what it was like to be happy. REALLY happy. Now it had all been snatched away from her and she knew deep in her soul that she was never going to have that child and feel that unconditional love.

"Go on..." The gunman uttered as he seemed to connect with zoe's pain. He seemed to relax a little and was listening to Zoe. Adam looked over and nodded at her.

"Ultimately Mr Johnson if these people die, it is your family that will lose out. I can tell you are not a selfish man. There's no need to do this." She was interrupted

"His GCS has dropped to 5 Zoe." Dixie uttered frantically.

"Its do or die mr Johnson? 5 minutes more, these people die and you become known as the murderer who couldn't handle a bit of bad luck! Let them go and you are the hero. Your in charge here its your choice."

"DAMN RIGHT ITS MY CHOICE!" He yelled and then paused for thought. "OK your little green buddies and those 2 can go but you 2 stay."

"Thank you Mr Johnson that's very sensible of you." Adam called.

Zoe took a deep breath and let her head bow whilst the others got the two casualties out of the building safely. She was petrified and what she had just done evoked the same feelings she had when nick had his operation. Fear. Intense dread and fear yet she couldn't show it. She knew she had put herself in danger but she needed to get her patients out alive, she couldn't let them down. And more importantly, she couldn't let nick down...

Back in the ED, Nick was pacing up and down the ward wondering hat was happening. his heart was pounding in his chest and beads of sweat were forming constantly on his brow. The locum doctors had come down to help but were not applying their full potential which was winding nick up even more. They didn't want to be associated with "HELLby" and were not understanding nick's anguish. He was snapping at everyone and anyone in sight because all he could think about was Zoe.

"Mr Jordan, they have just released 2 casualties in the ambulance they are on their way." Called Jay who was watching the whole thing on a monitor on the local news channel.

"WHAT? WHATS HAPPENING!" He shouted in an aggravated tone as he ran over to the monitor.

"I don't know all they said was that 2 casualties and the paramedics had been released and were on their way to holby general. They cut to the scene as the ambulance drove off." Jay said.

"Damn it!" Nick said as he swung the monitor back towards jay and banged the desk in frustration. He went back to pacing up and down the ward. He tried calling Adam's mobile but it just went straight to voice mail. Nick walked to the end of the corridor and stopped with his hands behind his head and his back to everyone.

Just then the ED doors crashed open and Dixie, jeff and polly entered with the casualties. "Ok this is Matt and Paul from the warehouse.." Dixie explained to Nick their GCS levels, what she had administered to them, their BP and all the usual medical jargon as they were taken into resus.

"Ok DR Winters, Dr Lyons and Kirsty can take Matt, Yuki and Mads please get the locums and Tess and you can take care of Paul."

With that he left resus and began pacing up and down outside once more. He was becoming increasingly more agitated as he waited for Dixie to bring news of what had happened. Eventually, she emerged from resus with jeff and nick was straight over.

"Dixie, Jeff whats happening out there? Wheres Zoe and Adam?" He asked with concern.

"They are still in there, although there is a possibility that Adam may have got out. Dr Hanna negotiated with the gunaman so we could get the casualties out and to safety. There should be 3 more walking wounded inside as well as the gunman." She informed him.

"What do you mean Dr Hanna was negotiating? Shes a Doctor not a bloody policeofficer." Nick said angrily.

"She was fantastic Mr Jordan if it wasn't for her, these patients would be dead. She stayed in with the guy in exchange for us leaving. We should be really proud of her right now." Dixie finished with a look of sadness in her eyes.

"Yes...yes quite right thankyou." Nick said calmly and slowly. He backed away and began walking back down towards the nurses station with a puzzled expression on his face as if he was planning his next move.

"RIGHT THAT'S IT!" He yelled in a tone which juxtaposed his previous state completely. Nick marched down the corridor and into his office. He sighed and put his hand to his forehead. He really wished it was him stuck in that warehouse. He had no life to waste if anything happened. But because of the alien in his head eating away at his life, he couldn't go out there and help. Instead he was stuck behind watching the drama unfold. watching his best doctors out there risking their lives. Watching the one and only thing he had left to live for out there in danger. He grabbed his jacket and car keys and slammed the door behind him. he marched down the corridor and towards the exit of the building. Charlie called after him from behind the nurses station

"Mr Jordan what about the board, Henry, the ED?" Nick marched back towards charlie, lent over the desk and got in his face.

"Right now Charlie fairhead, this ED is NOT my ONLY priority. Im going to the warehouse please inform Henry by whatever means you see fit. Please Charlie do not let me down Im counting on you. This ED is counting on you" And with that he was gone.

"Right you heard the man lets show them what we are made of. " Called Charlie as the team bustled on with their jobs. Charlie turned to Tess who had come out from resus to see what the shouting was about and uttered "God help us"

**_Hope this is ok. Its a bit less descriptive than normal as i wanted it to be more episodic and centre round dialogue. It will get more descriptive later i promise. _**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Thanks for the reviews guys, so grateful. See you made me update quicker. ive had the same issues with saving again so this has been re-written like twice today. The original was much better but hey, you win some you lose some. Hope you enjoy and keep reviewing **_

**CHAPTER 3**

Nick left the ED and jumped straight into his jag. He loosened his tie again and then ragged it off in frustration. He turned the engine on and the car was filled with the operatic sound of Madame Butterfly. He turned it down. He could not listen to this right now he needed to think. He picked up his mobile and called Adam once more. This time the phone went straight to voice mail. "Damn it" He said out loud. He scrolled through his phone book staring at the phone in a trance, not quite knowing why he was doing that. The phone stopped scrolling when it reached the end of the alphabet. Three solitary letters stood out at him like he had been stabbed through the heart. Z.O and E. He pressed call and waited. His thumb hesitated over the end call button, but he went through with it. He hadn't called her since she had lied to him, but right now he would do anything to be able to speak to her, although he knew she wouldn't answer. His thoughts were confirmed when her phone went to voicemail. "Hi this is doctor Zoe Hanna. Sorry I am unable to take your call right now but please feel free to leave a message and i will get back to you. " he dropped his phone at the sound of her voice. He loved how her Liverpudlian accent tripped over certain words and was much more evident. He needed to get there, to make sure she was OK. And of course to see how Adam and the rest of the team were doing, they were just as important to him. "Yeah right stop kidding yourself Nick" He said out loud. With that he shook his head, revved the engine and shot off leaving everyone in the car park staring, as his tyres squealed and left black tread marks.

In the warehouse, Adam had moved to be with the walking wounded and was patching them up with whatever he could. He was also trying to reassure them that everything would be fine. He glanced over to Zoe. Her eyes were dark. She looked tired and deflated. He knew that Zoe was their only hope as the gunman seemed to listen to her. He wouldn't let the police negotiators anywhere near him. In fact he wouldn't allow the police access at all. Dixie and Jeff had managed to tell the police exactly what was going and that Zoe had been very brave. Right now she didn't feel very brave she just wanted to get out of there. She wanted to rewind back to that day in Nick's office when he was wearing his tux and looking handsome. Back to when he kissed her stomach and told her he loved her too. A single tear trailed down her face at the thought and she wiped it away. The memory seemed like an age away, not just merely weeks.

"So what happens now" she said as she lifted her head to look where the gunamn was standing. He jumped down and winced in pain as he moved closer to them on the same level, the gun pointing in their direction all the time.

"Shhh I need to think." He uttered then a smile came across his face. "I cant go out the front way ill get banged up. If I can get up to the next floor there is a fire exit i can escape that way and into the woods."

"Ha ha Ha" Adam laughed which angered the gunman. "Cant you hear that? that's a helicopter they will know the minute you exit the building. Just do the right thing and we can all walk out together. you wont ever get away with this." Adam said cockily.

"Oh really we shall see about that." With that he lunged for Zoe and grabbed her around the throat. She shrieked in surprise and he yelled out in pain once more. she knew she could easily elbow him in the ribs and go, but she wasn't prepared to take the risk. Especially seen as he had a shotgun that she now realised was pointed in her throat.

"Thats so stupid. So stupid!" Adam said.

"Right anyone move or make a sound and the lovely Doctor here gets it." Zoe whimpered. " I don't want to hurt her i just want to get out of here." He yelled. With that he pulled her into the next room, pushed her to the floor and stood with the gun pointing at her whilst he planned his next move...

Outside nick had managed to get through several police barriers and screeched into the car park to find the warehouse in front of him. The place was surrounded by police, firefighters and paramedics as well as the filthy press and media, nick thought to himself. He had been to several incidents like this in his time, but this time it was different. This time he was out here and the one thing that cared about him, that understood him was trapped inside and he was helpless. He got out of his car and jogged down to the police cordan to see the DI that had been radioed to expect his arrival.

"DI Taylor, Im Nick Jordan clinical lead from Holby ED its my doctors you have in there." He held out his hand and shook the inspectors."Whats happening"

"well we don't know a great deal other than the gunman and one other person have moved to an adjoining room. The other 4 are still huddled together in the same position and haven't moved. From what we can tell we think the gunman has taken a hostage but the heat sensitive camera on the chopper is following his every move."

"a hostage" Nick paused, then thought and realised exactly who would be the hostage. "A HOSTAGE? WELL GET IN THERE AND HELP." He yelled and tried to push past the cordon and the inspector.

"Look mr Jordan please stay back its not safe. If you dont i will be forced to remove you from this area." The Inspector ordered as he held nick back.

"But shes my.. shes mine..." He felt an arm go around his shoulder and was pulled sideways:

"Its Ok Mr Jordan come over here with us. You want to be there to congratulate them when they come out all safe and sound." It was jeff. nick looked down at him and Jeff pattered nick on the back as he slowly walked over to stand with Jeff and Dixie. They wanted to be there in case anything happened, after all it was their people inside...

Zoe was beginning to crack. She was petrified and now the gunman had the gun pointing in the centre of her back. He looked around the room and saw a broken, rickety old staircase in the corner that led upstairs. The floor above them was in no means safe but was still in tact in places. She could see where floorboards had fallen down below, along with parts of the wall.

"Right, get up there" He instructed.

"But its not safe Mr Johnson. please you don't have to do this." She said her voice shaking as she was trying to hold back tears.

"JUST DO IT!" he yelled at her. She slowly began walking up the staircase, and gulped as each stair creaked and bent below her feet. On the second from last stair, it gave way and she jumped back onto her knees, knocking into the gunman's chest. He yelled in pain.

"Zoe you ok?" Adam yelled up from below.

"Yeah we are fine, don't worry." She said in a tone that completely juxtaposed the meaning of her sentence. The gunman pushed her forward with the end of the shotgun to carry on. She took her heels off and jumped up the last step, just managing to land safely on the top. She stood up and looked at the floor in front of her. Many of the beams had been rotten and broken away and she knew she would have to proceed with absolute caution. She stepped out and felt the first floor board buckle under her. She remembered a time when she had done her training and was called out to an emergency on a frozen lake. It was better to spread your body weight out over a bigger surface area, so that's what she did. She bent down and began crawling on her hands and knees over the rotten floor. She whimpered as the floor boards creaked and moved. The gunman began to follow her and one of the floor boards went from under him. Luckily he managed to jump back to safety. She began to cry and her tears blurred her vision. She didn't want to die, she wanted to live and try and make right what she had done wrong. Come on Zoe get a grip she thought. If Im doing this, im doing it properly.

" Right Mr Johnson, you need to get on your hands and knees and spread your weight out, just like i am. If you don't, this wont take our weight and Ill be damned if Im falling through there." He did as he was instructed, and Zoe felt the familiar push of the gunshot in her back. She picked up a brick and threw it in front of her, testing the floor for a route. The floorboards to her left collapsed.

"ZO YOU OK? WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?" Adam yelled again.

"Yeah we are good just testing the floor." The only option she had was to turn to her right. She bravely moved forward as the gun dug into her back, all was ok. Then the gunman slipped slightly and pushed her forward onto the next floorboard. She lost her balance, as did he and they both crashed onto their stomach. Before they could do anymore, the supporting beam gave way, the floor dropped from under them followed by the side wall that the beam was holding up. There was an almighty crash as the wall collapsed and could easily be heard over the sound of the helicopter. Zoe closed her eyes and screamed the loudest scream of her life as she felt herself drop down for what seemed like an eternity. Some of the rubble from the wall fell on top of her as she went down. She landed on the floor below covered in dust, rubble and she was semi conscious. A brick had caught her on the side of the head. The gunman was out cold, a slab of concrete had crushed his skull as he landed. She coughed several times, winced in pain and then her head went wuzzy. She closed her eyes and then she could no longer see the warehouse. It felt like she was in a movie and had been transported somewhere else. She felt like she was drifting down a corridor. It was like her feet werent touching the floor. All she could see was a blinding white light pulling her towards it...

Outside, nick and the others saw the side wall give way. Nick rushed towards the barrier once more. "WHATS HAPPENING, WHATS HAPPENING? I HEARD HER SCREAM I HEARD HER.!" Jeff and Dixie followed closely behind with their stretcher and equipment ready for action. Once the dust and the rubble had settled, all Nick could hear was a voice that screamed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" It was a voice that was racked with fear, distress and pain. A voice that he recognised so well. It was Adam. It was Adam's voice. The shrill, piercing tone of adam's voice that he had only heard once before. Once when Adam had suffered the greatest loss ever known to any human, the loss of his child! It was Adam's tone of voice that portrayed one thing and that thing was LOSS!

Nick pushed the police officer to the side and ripped through the barrier. "ZOOOEEEEEEEE!" He yelled as he ran towards the building...

_**I have nothing to say, other than please review.**_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Im on a roll, Im on a roll...**_

**Chapter 4**

Adam rushed over to Zoe and was yelling her name. He could hear her coughing and spluttering, then whimpering in pain. Then she would go silent. He worked out her position, she was just infront of him but he needed to get through the pile of rubble that was infront of him. He began digging through it as 2 familiar faces joined in to help him. It was Dixie and Jeff. They didnt speak, not just yet. They all gave each other a knowing look as if to say this is not over until we get our girl out. Adam was digging with his bare hands and the end of his fingers were bleeding. he didnt care, he needed to get to Zoe. they kept calling her name and listening to her responses, which were barely audible. Eventually with help from 2 more police officers, they got through to her. The gunman was lying a few feet away from her, his skull smashed in. The police officers went over to him and then called "Hey guys, this bloke here might need you first hes unresponsive." They all looked at each other and looked away. "No chance mate, shes one of ours." Jeff replied angrily as they moved the debris that was lying on top of her.

"Zo its adam, can you hear me." He asked. "Zo, can you hear me." She moved her head and groaned "Niick..." Adam took hold of her hand.

"No Zo its Adam. I need you to tell me where it hurts. Is it your head?" He asked as Dixie and Jeff began working on her. They put an oxygen mask over her face and began cleaning up the wound on her head. She moved her head again "No..Niicckk" She repeated.

"Right her pupils are responsive and she has a GCS of 9. She keeps dipping in and out and is clearly suffering from the blow to the head. we need full spinal board just as a precaution." Adam said as he stroked her hand.

"Zoe, sweetheart its dixie. Nick is outside. He's waiting for you. But until you tell us where it hurts, you wont be able to see him." Dixie said softly as she stroked her hair. Adam began pressing her neck, head, chest and then stomach.

"ARRGGHHGGGH" She screamed out in pain. "Stomach..stomach" She moved her arms down and tried to crunch forward.

"Ok darling its ok your stomach. we will try give you something for that just take it easy." Dixie reassured her.

"Right we need to get her out of here guys. On 3 1..2..3" They lifted her cautiously onto the spinal board and placed a collar around her neck. They ripped her clskirt down the seems and her shirt open to prevent any extra pressure on her stomach. She groaned as they lifted her up and carried her through the rubble. The police officer walked infront of them, clearing a path...

Nick had been carried back by several officers and prevented from entering the building. They had dived on top of him and held him down. He was now sitting on the floor his elbows on his knees and his hands on his head. His suit jacket had its sleeve torn off and his shirt had been ripped ope from the scuffle with the police officers. He was surrounded by 5 officers watching his every move. The TV crews kept calling his name but he just ignored them. His head was thumping in pain, and he rubbed his temple. The feel of the scar reminded him exactly why his head hurt and the stress of this was making him ill. Suddenly, he looked up from his hands. through his glazed eyes he saw the stretcher emerge from the warehouse. It was as if it was all in slow motion. He looked and saw Adam walking by the stretcher and thats when it hit him, it was zoe on the stretcher.

He jumped up and yelled "zoooeeee" "zooeee" and made a dash for it. The police officers grabbed him "pleeaasee" He begged his voice shaking. Nick jordan had lost control. there were not many times this had happened in his life. once when he was in that hotel room waiting to die. That was probably the worse. He was struggling to get to her, he would not give up. the DI was checking to see if adam was ok and what was going on. Zoe could hear a voice faintly calling her name and she recognised it as Nick, this brought her around once more. "niick" she uttered and tried to move her head.

"Come on mate, cant you see they need each other right now." Dixie said to the DI. He made a signal to his officers to let go of nick who came running over. He grabbed zoe's hand and stroked her hair. "Zoe, what were you thinking? ey? you stupid, stupid girl." He said as his eyes filled up. he clenched his other fist. nick jordan did not cry. Adam put his arm around Nick's shoulder and explained what was going on and about the stomach pains. Nick was in a daze as he just stared down at her. She recognised his voice once more and she moved her hand to hold his"Niick" she uttered once more. He shook his head and turned away. He did not deal with emotion at all well. He was nick jordan, hard faced, he didnt care about anyone other than himself.

It was then it happened. The worse possible thing that could ever happen in his life or hers for that matter. As they were approaching the ambulance, Zoe tried to signal to nick. He bent into her with his ear towards her mouth. Her eyes opened and at that moment they re-connected once more. they were one again, just like before. She wispered "sssoorryy" and then her eyes rolled back into her head as she yelled out in pain, she crunched up again and held her nothing. No movement. Nothing.

"Zoe? talk to me. No? Dont do this to me Zoe!" Nick yelled. "adam STOP!" and they stopped moving the trolley. They both looked down at the light coloured hospital blanket that was covering her. Between her legs, the blanket had turned crimson red and was spreading by the second. All the blood drained from Nick's face and he went deathly white. There was only one thing this could be and it was breaking his heart. He stepped back one step and put his hands to his mouth. Then he stepped back another step and his legs buckled. Adam rushed towards him to staedy him and Nick pushed him away.

"No." he whispered "GOD NOOOOO!" He yelled "please anything but this"...


	5. Chapter 5

_**Well guys, herei am updating again. Dont get used to it! Thanks for the reviews Im so grateful that you take the time out to read my stuff. Hnnahlouise16, don't worry petal i would NEVER kill off our Zoe, shes like special man! (well Id only kill her off if it meant I got some Jordan loving lol) Enjoy...**_

_**CHAPTER 5**_

Nick stood there and watched as Adam and Dixie gathered around Zoe. He couldn't hear what they were saying for the pounding in his head and the shock to his system. She couldn't be? She said she wasn't? Why would she say she wasn't if she was? Does she even know? These questions ran through every corner of his mind like when a Cd was scratched and it just kept repeating a line over and over!

"NICK FOR GODS SAKE!" He heard Adam call and it brought him out of his trance. It was as if something had clicked inside him and he dashed back over to Zoe. He pulled his suit jacket off and threw it to the ground. He rolled his sleeves up and was ready for action. Nick Jordan was back in doctor mode and which, right now, was exactly where Zoe needed him to be.

"Right, Dixie, Jeff get her into the ambulance. She needs to get to the ED ASAP! Call through and tell them to prepare and get someone down from gynie" He ordered. He looked towards adam who attempted to move towards the ambulance. "NO! Doctor Trueman im sorting this." Nick said as he pulled him back.

"But Nick, i don't think this is a good idea. Your in shock, it would be better for me to deal with her. This is personal and it could get very difficult trust me." Adam tried to explain. Nick grabbed hold of both Adam's shoulders and said, "Yeah and what did you say to us when your wife and child were admitted ey? Did you not collapse into my arms with exhaustion and hypothermia? Im dealing with her and Im not about to give up!" Nick hit a nerve with Adam and he backed off. Dixie and Jeff put Zoe into the ambulance and nick climbed in behind them. He whistled over to Adam as he was walking away.

"Adam catch!" Nick threw his car keys at Adam. "Bring the jag its parked up the back. And thank you." With that he closed the ambulance doors.

Inside, he pulled back the blanket and saw that Zoe had lost a fair bit of blood. Dixie backed off and watched as Nick took charge. He rolled his sleeve up as far as it would go and he noticed Zoe begin to stir.

"Dixie whats her GCS level right now?" He asked. Dixie tried talking to her again and she groaned and then went to hold her stomach.

"Id say about 8 right now Mr Jordan." She replied.

"Ok. Im going to do an examination of her cervix. The only diagnosis i can come up with here, is that she is having a type of miscarriage. Now, if her cervix is beginning to open up then there is nothing we can do. Usually bleeding accompanied by cramps means that's exactly what is happening and she will go into an inevitable miscarriage. In that case, we are in a life threatening situation." Dixie grabbed Zoe's hand as Nick took a deep breath. He felt physically sick and wanted to cry. His hands were covered in what could be the remains of his child, but there was no way he would let anyone else touch her like this. He performed the cervical examination as Dixie watched for any sign of an answer. Ever the professional, Nick stood back and wiped his brow with his left forearm. He then let out a massive sigh of relief.

"Its not opened and there is no evidence of blood clots or mucus. But without an ultrasound i cant tell anymore. We need to get her to the ED ASAP step on it Jeff! Our priority right now is Zoe. Please can you radio through again and tell them that there is possibility of threatened miscarriage here and we will need an ultrasound ready, we need Sotalol and digoxin ready also."

With that he stepped away and let Dixie continue the treatment. He sat down by Zoe's head and took hold of her hand. He began moving her hair away from her face and stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb tenderly, the way he always did.

"Zoe come on!" He whispered. "Its all going to be ok. Im here now." She stirred again and tried moving her head. She moved her hand down to her stomach and managed to utter "Whhaats haappening?" followed by a huge groan.

"ssshhhh shhhh just relax ok Im sorting it. I need to get you to the hospital first. You shouldn't be worried tho, you have only the best treating you. You are very lucky. I even ruined one of my lovely suits for you. Some copper ripped the arm off it. Just my luck it had to be the Armani." With that she gave a brief smile and what vaguely sounded like a laugh and then closed her eyes once more. There was no way on this earth he was going to tell her what was going on until he knew 110 percent. The events of the day had only left him aching for her even more. He thought it was just a baby that he wanted, but right now all he wanted was her. He would sacrifice the baby if she survived. He would sacrifice anything to keep her alive. A Baby. He could have a baby in there. But what if it wasn't his? How would he know? what if it didn't survive? and how the hell would he tell Zoe?

_**Ok I know its shorter but I like giving brief snaps of action sometimes, it creates suspense lol. And i will be adding more description of their feelings etc later on in the story. Please keep reading and reviewing if you want these 2 back together. Sorry, but I cant fulfill your request and include jess in the story as well. You are going to hate me for this but i dont like her! SHOCK HORROR! I cant identify with her character so i would do a lame job. Its going to be kirsty if anyone... please dont hate me. **_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Thanks for your great reviews guys. Sorry I not been quicker this week but busy, busy, busy at work. This is for Ally 2407 as you are always so kind about my stories. Hopefully this is going to be a long one, as requested, profiding I dont get bored. I have a few tricks up my sleeve. Enjoy...**_

**CHAPTER 6**

Zoe was rushed through to resus on arrival to the ED with nick in hot pursuit. Waiting for her were Ruth, Charlie and Jay. Nick still had his shirt ripped open from the scuffle with the police officer and he caught ruth staring at his chest. Their eyes met and she quickly turned away.

"Ok Ok guys. Zoe has fallen from a height of around 6/7 feet. Her current GCS level is 10, but she does drift in and out of conciousness. We think she may have had a threatened misscarriage." He stopped as if struggling to find the words like he used to do before. All the team were staring at him, then looking down at his blood covered arm. "I need the ultrasound asap please Jay. Is it ready?"

"Err yes sure Mr jordan..." He murmured as he moved over to grab the ultrasound machine and the gel. Dixie informed the team the rest of zoe's stats whilst Jay was sorting the ultrasound and he went to pass the scanner to Nick. Nick put out his hand to retreive it but he couldnt control the shaking. His hand wobbled as he tried to grip the scanner but he couldnt. He shook his head, clenched his fist a few times and focused again on the task at hand. again, his hand shook and he grunted in frustration.

"Mr Jordan, do you want Dr Winters to do it?" Jay asked tenderly.

"NO! IM FINE" Nick snapped back at him. He clearly wasnt fine as this time he dropped the gel when he tried to grab for it. Charlie put a supportive hand on his shoulder.

"Nick let Ruth do it ok. You have had very stressful day." He said Nick shrugged Charlie off him and looked at ruth. She returned the look with a pleading stare and Nick then nodded at her to proceed. he turned away and walked over to the side with his back to everyone and the machine. He punched the desk and sighed.

"Ok Zoe this is going to feel really cold ok so be ready." She told Zoe. She carefully ran the scanner over her stomach. Nick couldnt look. His palms were sweaty and he felt sick. Please let this baby be ok, he thought. He knew how much Zoe had wanted it and the lengths she would go to to have such a life, be a mother.

"Ok there's a heartbeat. Everything looks ok. There is signs of featal tachycardia obviously created by the fall and the baby is distressed. Jay, lets treat with Sotalol and get her up to ICU. She will need extensive bed rest and 24 hour monitoring please. Mr Jordan do you want to see?" Ruth asked cautiously.

He turned around and looked at the fuzzy shape on the screen. he could see the rhythmic pounding of its heart. His eyes glazed over once more and he released a sigh of relief once more.

"She looks to be about 10 weeks." Ruth added. 10 weeks? Nick thought. Thats right about the time of the power cut, when she told me she wasnt, when we split up. A puzzled look came over his face and everything became too much for him. He ripped off his gloves and began to walk out of resus. "Nick." uttered Charlie. He waved his hand to push him away. "Thanks everyone. i just need a minute."

With that he exited the ED and walked towards the gents. In the gents he filled up the sink and then looked at himself in the mirror. He had a couple of blood marks on his forehead. He began frantically scrubbing it off. As if he was trying to scrub away all his troubles and worries. He stopped and looked in the mirror again. He thought to himself how old and tired looking he had gotten since the illness first started. By rights he shouldnt be here, he should be dead. If it was up to him he wouldve been. But why was he here? He was here because someone cared enough to risk everything to prolong his life. Now he might have created a new life and he couldnt back away from it. 10 weeks. 10 weeks? and she didnt know? or maybe she did? maybe she didnt want to tell him? Maybe she thought he wouldnt want her and they would be all alone. Maybe she was scared. There was only one way for Nick jordan to find out and that was to man up and go and be with her. He scrubbed the rest of the blood from his arm and buttoned up what buttons were still remaining on his shirt and headed upstairs to ICU.

He opened the door to the side room where Zoe was lying. She was hooked up to monitors that were measuring her and the baby. She looked so peaceful as a strand of her black hair fell gently across her cheek. Nick smiled warmly and moved towards her. He stood by her and watched her chest rise and fall. His eyes were drawn down to her stomach and then towards the machine. the heartbeat was still fast, but it was there. He looked back at her face and moved the hair from her cheek. this caused her to stir and he sat back on the chair next to her and tookhold of her hand.

"Niick?" She questioned werely.

"Hey." He smiled at her, " How you feeling?" He asked, not really knowing what to say.

"Like a million dollars." She replied croakily and attempted to laugh. She winced and went to clutch her stomach.

"Yeah you look pretty hot as well..." He finished and went quiet. There was an awkward silence and he didnt know what to say. He stared at her stomach and she turned towards him.

"Im sorry, I didnt know." She said sadly.

"Regardless of that, you shouldnt have put yourself in danger like you did. It was a stupid, stupid thing to do!" he started on one of his Nick Jordan lectures, rather than express how he really felt. She began to cry quietly and single tears spilled from her eyes and left a trail down her cut cheek. She didnt know if they were tears of joy or sadness. She could have killed her baby, their baby and she knew Nick would have never forgiven her.

"I did it for you" She croaked at him

He turned towards her and realised exactly what he could have lost, and all for the love of his ridiculous Emergency department and the legacy he was adamant at leaving behind. He needed to stop being selfish, and realise what mattered in the short time that still remained. The ED was bricks and mortar but this was their life! He smiled at her and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"Ow Careful! God anyone would think you were a doctor." She said jokingly as he caught the cuts on her cheek.

"Its Ok. It will all be ok Im here. Just rest now." he tentatively stroked her undamaged soft skin that covered her cheek. He then realised he didnt do soppy and added, " But for the love of god never EVER do anything like that again. Do you hear me Dr hanna?" He said in his best authoritative voice.

"Yes Mr jordan" She whispered, smiled and closed her eyes.

He stared at her for a few minutes again watching her chest rise and fall rhythmically. He then realised that her nreathing was matching the thumping in his head. He was exhausted, physically and emotionally. He still didnt know what was going to happen between them. did he have his zoe back? Was this the legacy he had wanted? This life growing inside his girl right before his eyes. He had to protect them, for now anyway. He rested his head on the bed and his other hand on Zoe's stomach. through the baggy gown, he could feel the swelling of her stomach, that was notevident through her clothes. He knew now that this was really happening, he could feel it below his hands. Nick Jordan had touched every inch of that body and he knew when something changed. The small swelling below his giant hands was life! Real life! and something to protect zoe when his inevitably ended. With these thoughts in the forefront of his mind he drifted off to sleep, his hand still resting on her stomach.

_**Hope you liked. dont worry its not all going to be happily ever after, i have a few twists up my sleeve. AND note to the writers of the show: WHERE THE HELL IS ZOE? Give her some airtime for the love of god and all that is holy! *rant over***_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Whilst I had some free time i thought i would continue... enjoy.**_

_**CHAPTER 7**_

Ruth stood quietly outside the door and watched through the frosted glass. Nick Jordan was sleeping soundly, his head resting on the side of the bed. He had a blanket covering his shoulders, and Ruth gathered a nurse would have put it there. He looked so peaceful and content. She was not used to seeing him like this. He was usually strong, egotistical, arrogant and he didn't care about anything. Lately, she had gotten closer to him trying to help him with his workload and trying to save the ED. She was barely seeing Edward and Nick provided a perfect excuse to avoid her husband and her troubled home life. Yes she wanted a promotion and to go as far as possible in her career, but the truth was she'd always had a special respect for nick, and after the night they spent together, she secretly wished she was the one who got to see this Nick. The human, caring Nick, not the workaholic with no feelings. She was quickly snapped out of her thoughts when she realised where his hand was resting. It was resting on Zoe's stomach. A hint of jealousy stirred around her stomach, a little bit like when she thought of Jay with another a woman, but nowhere near as bad. She just longed for someone to care about her in that way really, and right now she didn't care who it was, although ultimately she wished it was Jay. She quietly entered the room and the click of the door stirred Zoe from her rest.

"Hi" she whispered and lifted her hand to wave at Zoe.

"Hiya. Do you want...?" She asked and pointed at nick sleeping. Ruth nodded and smiled.

"Nick.." Zoe whispered as she stroked the side of his head, touching his scar. "Nick" She said a bit louder this time.

"Emmm.. what?.. Are you ok?" He shot up startled. She laughed and winced at the same time as the sudden movement hurt her injuries.

"Careful man! Jesus." She laughed and added, " Doctor Winters is here" Nick hadn't noticed Ruth standing there and Zoe thought it was highly amusing at how embarrassed he would be that someone other than her had seen him like this.

"Ahh Doctor Winters, what can i do for you?" In a flash he was back to Nick Jordan, the clinical lead. He had lines down his face in a pattern that reflected the awful hospital blankets where his head had been lying.

"Henry is on the warpath. He wants to see you in your office in 10 minutes." Ruth said grinning, tying to desguise her amusement.

"How are you feeling Dr Hanna?" She asked.

"Oh you know like Ive done a round with Mike Tyson." She said. They all smiled.

"Yes ok doctor winters thankyou. I will be down shortly. Oh and next time can you page me instead please?" He said he would never live it down.

"We tried" She raised her eyebrows "Its not working" and with that she left.

"Oh god yes I must have left it in my suit jacket like an idiot." He said as he pattered his trouser pockets as if looking for it.

" And How are you feeling?" he asked zoe. He sat on the edge of the bed and she moved uncomfortably.

"Fine until you sat on me." She said sarcastically.

"Look i need to go sort this with Henry ok and Ill be right back." He took her hand once more.

"Yeah thats right you go sort your precious ED" She said faining annoyance. He looked concerned. "Don't worry Im only joking, i wouldn't have you any other way." he smiled at her. He really wanted to kiss her but he didn't know if they were back there yet and what was the state of their relationship.

He got off the bed and went to leave but she grabbed his arm, "Oh and nick." She said and pulled him towards her. He stepped close to her once more and looked worried. He didn't say anything but she could read him like a book she laughed, "Go home take a shower and get changed before you come back. you look a mess."

"Ha and this coming from you Doctor hanna?" He winked at her and left the room.

Back in Nick's office, Henry eagerly awaited his arrival. He didn't look happy and sat with his arms folded. Nick caught a glimpse of him through the blinds before he entered his office. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Aaah Henry and what can i do for you." He asked as if nothing had occurred.

"Explain to me why the clinical lead left his department yesterday would be a good start." Henry said.

"Oh Henry,I asked charlie fairhead to explain to you what was happening. I had no choice." He said with a sigh.

"Oh you had no choice. Well tell me Mr Jordan, would you have rushed out there if a certain doctor Hanna wasn't involved?" He asked with raised eyebrows.

"Oh come on Henry, that's not fair. What Zoe did yesterday has single hand-idly turned this ED back around." He explained.

"Yes and she was utterly irresponsible putting her life and the lives of her colleagues at risk." Henry continued and nick tried interrupting "BUT i am greatly thankful for her efforts, as Im sure, are the patients that survived the ordeal."

"However, that does not excuse why you left this department with no clinical lead, consultants or head doctors Mr Jordan. Instead you leave it in the hands of 2 locums, an irresponsible newly promoted F2 and charlie bloody Fairhead! I want a full report on my office desk in 2 days and we will discuss this further in a hearing." He finished and stood up.

"Are we done? There are more pressing places i should be right now thankyou." Nick uttered indisgust. He got up, picked up his car keys that Adam had left on his desk and stormed out of the office. Henry followed closely behind as he stormed through the ED. Nick noticed a newspaper on the nurses station with the headlines "An Angel Emerges from Hellby" followed by "Doctor risks life to save others in gun siege" Nick picked it up and held the newspaper infront of Henry.

"There Henry, does that ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS!" He yelled and with that he left the ED.

Nick went home, as instructed and had a shower and got changed. He took his medication as his head had begun to ache again. He wasn't back to work until tomorrow so he decided to put on something comfortable. He pulled out his jeans and a hoody and quickly got dressed. He began searching around for Zoe's house key that he had discarded in a kitchen drawer full of junk, he just didn't know which one. He wanted to take her some fresh things and her toiletries. He knew she would appreciate that more than grapes or flowers. He managed to find her key and went around to her house. He let himself in, just like he used to do and walked through to the livingroom. Everything was the same, in the same place, except it was a bit more messy than usual. She probably let herself go because he hadn't been around, he thought. He went into the kitchen and switched on the light. She had one of those posh SMEG fridges, very similar to his, and magnets on it that spelt our inappropriate words and sentences. He laughed to himself at the thought of her making them up. He looked over and there in the centre was the picture of the two of them, taken outside the ED, all smiles. It was the one she had taken with her when she went looking for him at the hotel. He took it off the fridge and put it into his pocket. That is coming home with me, he thought.

Lastly he went into her bedroom to collect some more nightwear. There were some silk pyjamas discarded on her bed so he picked them up and inhaled her sent. _God nick you look like some kind of perv_, he thought as he put them back down. He turned to the wardrobe and that's when he noticed it. A mans dress shirt, blue. He walked over to it and inspected it. It definitely wasn't one of his as it was too small for his tall and broad physique. It belonged to someone skinnier than himself. Maybe it was one Zoe had from a previous relationship, yet why was it hanging on the outside of her wardrobe, freshly washed and ironed? Had he been wrong about this whole thing? Was she with someone else? Did she just think he was by her bedside returning the favour from when he was ill? He needed to speak to her about all this, and fast. He quickly packed some nightwear, underwear etc took a look at the shirt once more and exited her house willing to find out exactly where he stood...

**_argghh who does the shirt belong to? And whats with ruth? hmmmmmm _**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Nick drove back to the hospital to see Zoe but all he could think about was the shirt hanging up on her wardrobe. He tried to turn the car stereo up to drown out his thoughts, but it didn't work. It had been 3 days since the warehouse siege started and he had barely gotten any rest, except for beside Zoe's bed. The tiredness wasn't helping him concentrate on the reasonable explanations as to why she had a mans shirt hanging on her wardrobe. All that ran through his mind was negativity and thoughts that she's seeing someone else, and that person was the father of the baby. Nick knew she had been through a lot over the past few days, and he didn't want to go at her like a raging bull, well not like the usual Nick Jordan would. It wasn't like she shrugged off his advances or gave any signals that she didn't want to be with him, in fact it was just the opposite, and it was his name that she had repeatedly called out when she was hurt. _That's got to be a good sign right?_ he thought.

He arrived at the hospital and made his way up to the ICU where Zoe was still being monitored as she was on the dangerous list. He avoided the ED as he didn't feel like giving an explanation when asked about Zoes condition or seeing his staff whilst he was dressed in such unprofessional attire. He walked around the corner and stopped outside her door. He closed his eyes and thought about how he was going to approach the subject and then let out a huge sigh. He opened his eyes. Luckily for him he did as there was a man sitting beside her bed, in the chair that had become his bed and his vigil. _Who in the hell is that? _He thought. Is this the guy? He watched as they laughed and Zoe winced in pain and he touched her hand. Jealousy raged from the pit of his stomach right through every inch of his body to his fingertips. The wrinkles appeared on his forehead, the way they did when he got angry. He burst into the room and the man turned around.

"Mr Jordan." the man uttered startled. Oh my god it was Matt Strong! _What in the hell did he want? _Nick thought.

"Nick you Ok?" Zoe asked puzzled.

"Yes, yes im fine sorry. Is this a bad time?" He asked. He was completely shocked, like someone had knocked him straight off his feet.

"No its ok, I was just leaving." Matt said politely and Zoe smiled. _Yeah i bet you were tosser, _Nick thought. "Ill see you soon and you take care of yourself, well selves i suppose I should use the plural term now." He laughed. _Hes a_ _Smarmy Git. _With that, Matt touched Zoe's arm tenderly and made his way out of the room. Nick's stomach felt like it was inside a washing machine and was being turned in knots. It was jealousy combined with the fear that something was going on between them.

"Ill be 2 minutes..." Nick uttered as he was already half way out the door. "Nick!" Zoe called but he didn't hear her. She tutted. She knew exactly what was going around that mind of his.

"Dr Strong," Called Nick as he jogged after Matt. Matt turned around "Mr jordan."

"Can I just ask what that was all about please?" He asked sternly with his wrinkled forehead to match. He was doing his smouldering, angry Nick Jordan look, the one that Zoe would melt at if she could see him right now.

"What all what was about? I dont know what you are referring to!" Replied Matt just as sternly.

"In there, with Dr Hanna. Is there something i should know about?" Nick asked again. Matt walked close to Nick and they were nearly touching.

"I don't know what you are getting at Mr Jordan, but what *ZOE* and I do is none of your business at this present time!" His voice was full of anger.

"Oh really! Well she has been through a massive ordeal Dr Strong, and I don't think you coming here and causing her extra worries is going to help matters DO YOU!" Nick yelled the last part into his face and then finished with, "So would you kindly stay away, please" in his best patronising tone and turned back to enter the room.

Matt then walked towards Nick, grabbed his shoulder, and turned him around. "No Mr Jordan i will not stay away, unless Zoe doesn't want me there. Maybe you should ask HER what she really wants. " Matt returned the gesture and stepped right into nick's face. "I gave her up for you once, im not about to do it again." He said and turned his back to Nick and walked away. "Anyway you've had your chance Nick and you blew it, sorry" He uttered with a sarcastic tone as he walked around the corner.

Nick's blood was boiling. He did not accept anybody speaking to him in that matter, let alone some stuck up, dull as dishwater anesthetist. Especially given this anesthetist was formally engaged to his girlfriend, partner, friend or whatever the hell she was. He stood outside and let himself calm down. His face was slightly flush, and his hand began to shake. He was making fists and trying to concentrate, to stop the shaking. He didn't want Zoe to be worried about him on top of everything else. He manged to calm down before actually having a seizure, and re entered the room.

"Nick you ok?" She asked. She knew him well and knew that something was bothering him.

"Yeah I'm fine." He replied, trying to hide the truth. "I went to fetch you some things shall I just put them over here?" He asked.

"Nick... I saw you, you looked rattled. Whats wrong?" She asked again.

"Ill just put them down over here on the chair. I packed you some clean nightwear and things that you will need. I hope i picked the right things for you." he continued, completely blocking Zoe's question. She was looking at him wide eyed, her eyes portraying to him exactly what she wanted him to do, tell her what was going on. "Aww are the flowers from the ED lot? Thats kind. You are quite the hero down there Dr hanna but seems they don't know you very well, or else they would have sent you some chocolate. Do you want me to pour you some water whilst Im over here? Zo, why is there a mans shirt hanging on your wardrobe?"

Typical Nick Jordan, she thought. Always thinks the worse and never directly comes out with what he is thinking, always tries to cover it up with a ramble.

"Oh you saw that." She said and looked down away from him.

"Look i know its none of my business anymore, but you know I just want to make sure you are ok, that you are both ok. And well i think i am entitled to some explanation, especially after the scene i just witnessed and..." Zoe cut him off.

"Oh you do, do you? Nick, technically you are not entitled to anything to do with me anymore." She replied. He immediately flicked to the arrogant, uncaring Nick jordan and acted aloof, like the past 3 days hadn't happened.

"Ok, thats fine. Thankyou Dr hanna. I hope you have all you need and I wish you a speedy recovery." It did scare her how he could switch his emotions so freely and quickly! However, Zoe laughed out loud and then clutched her stomach and laughed again.

"Is that it! Are you serious? For Gods sake Nick could you be more pompous?" She laughed. "What!" he replied and shrugged his shoulders.

"Just sit on the damn chair and shut up for a minute will you!" He skulked over and did as he was told.

"For a start, if i had a thousand mens shirts in my wardrobe it would be nothing to do with you." He went to get up to leave again and she stopped him. "But, there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for it being there, not that you deserve one. Ok, i was feeling pretty crap after we, well you know, and i ran into Matt... Dr Strong... whilst escorting a patient to an operation. We went out for an innocent drink. I did the usual, got pissed and spilt red wine down his shirt. I took it home to wash it for him. End of story."

Nick felt relieved, but at the same time a twinge of distrust went through him. He looked her directly in the eyes warmly and smiled. She took hold of his hand;

"So, Mr Jordan, now that you have knocked up one of your doctors, do you still intend leaving her and acting all unconcerned? because if thats the case i may have to have a word with the board and file a sexual discrimination case. I need something to bring this baby up on if your going to leave us high and dry." They both laughed then nick realised what she was saying. The baby was his! He was going to be a father! His eyes welled up and he thought he was about to cry. He sniffed back the tears.

"Oh man up Mr Jordan." She said with a smile and squeezed his hand. " Now will you fluff up my pillows coz your kid has got its big foot stuck in me and I need to sit up!" They both laughed again. He loved her sense of humour and wit. She would always turn a potentially emotional moment into a light hearted joke. He did as instructed then bent forward and gave her the first passionate kiss as the mother of his child.

**_Awwwwww! Review? Hope you liked and keep reviewing coz it makes me update quicker as i feel guilty for not doing so. Some nick and zoe happiness... but is this the end of matt? _**


	9. Chapter 9

_**Thanks for the reviews as always. Glad you are liking this. I havent included much detail about what happened to the gunman from the seige and all that jazz because i wanted to focus on the effect it had on Zoe and Nick. Just so you know. Thanks and enjoy...**_

**CHAPTER 9**

The past few days had gone by without much drama. Zoe had remained in hospital for another week, and the baby had gradually improved. The fetal tachycardia had been treated and the baby had settled back into a normal rhythmic heartbeat and was no longer distressed. Mum, on the other hand was still sore but was gradually healing. The cuts on her face had nearly healed up, but she was still left with bruising on her abdomen and chest. She didn't care about herself though, she was just thankful that she had her miracle baby in one piece and would do anything to protect it.

Today she was coming out of the hospital and Nick was coming to collect her after his shift in the ED. She smiled to herself at the thought of nick and how overprotective he had become. He would not let her lift a finger and she knew she was going to take full advantage of it whilst she could. She was also not going to let him forget that he nearly cried, that would provide much amusement for her in their day to day banter. She was busy packing things into her Luis Vuitton over night bag, the one that Nick had ribbed her for buying "_Must you spend £600 on a small piece of luggage" _He had said to her _"Shut up, that's nowhere near a weeks worth of your salary you tight sod" _She laughed out loud at the thought, and was suddenly brought out of her daydream by a knock on the door. She jumped then beckoned him in.

"ahhhh nice to see you on your feet madam" Came the voice. "How are you?"

"Im much better thank you Matt, sorry, WE are much better. God, i cant get used to that one." She smiled and tenderly rubbed her stomach.

"Thats good to hear. So would you like a lift home?" He asked politely.

"Actually, Im waiting for Nick to come and collect me after his shift." Matt's face hit the floor. That name made his insides burn with hatred. "But you can help me pack my things." She added. He smiled at her and took over whilst she sat on the edge of the bed. They made idol gossip as he helped, talking about work and the usual. Matt packed all her things with precision as if he was packing for the queen which made Zoe smile. He then sat with her for a while just talking and keeping her company.

"Ok I need to head back now. Ive got people to knock out." They both laughed_. God he's such a geek, _Zoe thought_, but very sweet. _

_"_No worries, and thanks for keeping me company." she smiled and touched his leg, "And for that" she signalled with her head towards the bag. He got up and picked something up from behind the door. He then walked back over to her.

"I got you these, well for both of you." He handed her a huge box of chocolates, "I figured baby might enjoy Thornton's Continentals as much as mummy does."

"aww Thanks you didnt have to." She stood and gave him a hug. His heart melted and then shattered into pieces when he realised his princess was no longer his.

"Are you Ok? Are you happy?" He asked her.

"Yep, Im good. Im happier than I ever thought I could be." She looked at him as his eyes filled with sadness, like a puppy dog that had been abandoned by its mother.

"Well Im glad." He said as he held her shoulders. "You know where I am if you need ANYTHING!" He added and kissed her on the cheek, with that he left...

Meanwhile in the ED Nick was bustling about making sure everyone was in order. He had been in a particularly joyous mood that day, making sure everyone got a proper break, or even an extra break, helping Doctors with the usual boring jobs he hated, even helping Noel with the filing. It hadn't gone unrecognised and everyone had asked him the reasoning behind his mood. His answer was the same to everyone "Zoe's home today" He said it with such happiness and the same cheeky grin lit up his face every time he said her name.

He went into his office and called Adam in to give him the handover. He instructed him what needed to be done, what patient was where and needed what treatment and the staff that were on that night to provide such care.

"So, Zoe is out today. How is she?" Asked Adam concerned.

"THEY are much better thankyou Dr Trueman." He informed as he smiled.

"Good to hear. How is she in her self?" Adam asked, "I mean it was pretty frightening out there nick, and she was the one who was right in the thick of it, if you get what I mean." Adam continued.

"Well to be honest, she hasn't been very forthcoming in that department, but I haven't pushed her for fear of stressing her out." Nick added.

"Forget the front Nick, you need to talk to her about it. Even I found it difficult at first. I wasn't sleeping properly, im still not. You know what shes like good at covering up." Adam continued.

"I will, when i get a chance. I wanted to talk to her the other day, then i turned up and that bloody Dr Strong was with her." Nick said

"DR STRONG?" Adam said in surprise, "What does he want?" Adam asked.

"Dont worry, I put him in his place. Right I must go now. If you need anything you know where I am." He waved his mobile at Adam.

"And thank you Dr Trueman, Ill pass on your well wishes." With that he left.

He rushed up to Zoe as quickly as possible. He thought about what Adam had said. Zoe hadn't really talked much about what had happened, she always changed the subject and talked about the baby, or the ED, or anything other than the siege. He made a conscious decision that after she had settled back in, he would try and talk to her about things, try and crack her hard exterior. They were very similar, and Nick knew that would be a difficult thing to do. He had barely seen her cry in the time he had been close to her. He recalled twice when he was in hospital, once with the whole memory stick fiasco and a couple of times relating to the phantom pregnancy. Even then, he hadn't witnessed a proper emotional breakdown, just Zoe's brief lack of control over her emotions and then her grabbing that control back. They were indeed very, very similar.

When he arrived at her room she was waiting impatiently.

"You took your time. Anyone would think you wanted to leave me here." She smiled.

"Sorry, the handover took longer than i expected." He bent down and kissed her. "You OK?" he asked her

"Yeah, just wanna get out of here now." She said and then bent towards her stomach, tenderly rubbed it, and added, "Don't we kid"

"Ok. do you want me to get you a wheelchair or something?" He asked with concern as she had winced in pain when she moved.

"Im not an invalid." She smiled warmly, "Im Ok when i get going." She began walking and the pain eased. Either that or she just got used to it. Nick grabbed her bag with one hand and her hand with his other and started to lead her to the door.

"Ok so are you already to go then?" He asked.

"Yep, ready as ill ever be Mr Jordan." He brought her hand up to his face and kissed it gently.

"Lets do this" He said and they both smiled warmly. He winked at her as he opened the door and they left the ICU hand in hand ready for whatever challenges they would meet next...

_**Hope you all liked. This was kind of a filler chapter so we knew how Zoe had gotten home. I know there wasn't much action so sorry but stay tuned because there will be...**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**CHAPTER 10**_

Nick and Zoe arrived back to Nick's apartment. _Back Home _thought Zoe. Nick carefully helped her into the lift and into the apartment. She walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, whilst he put her bag in his bedroom.

"Nick, why is your fridge full of fruit and vegetables?" she called from the kitchen. He had filled the fridge from top to bottom with fresh vegetables. Then she spotted the shelf right at the bottom stacked with chocolate. He sneaked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist she jumped out of the way and looked terrified.

"Hey, hey whats wrong?" he asked concerned. She looked like she had witnessed something terrible, then she just snapped out of it.

"Nothing sorry you just scared me." She went over and wrapped her arms around him and held him tight.

"Well Dr Hanna all those fruit and vegetables you will be pleased to know are for you no more microwave meals and takeaways" He tapped her on the end of her nose when he said the word you.., "And if you would care to follow me this way, I have a cupboard filled with your favourite." He opened it up and there was every type of decaffeinated coffee you could think of. "I know how you like your coffee." He was holding her hand and she turned and kissed him passionately on the lips. "Thank you" She said.

"Oh ill have to buy you decaffeinated coffee more often if thats the response i get. Now, are you going to lie down? I dont want you overdoing it. Before you say anything, Ive even got a brand new sky box that is routed to the bedroom so you can watch a different channel to me if Im in the livingroom."

"My, my Mr Jordan we have been busy haven't we?" She said and he laughed. She walked into the living room and lowered herself onto the sofa.

"If its all the same to you I would rather just relax out here. Im sick of being in bed." She said as she winced uncomfortably on the way down. "plus I can keep my eyes on you out here." She added. he went over and switched the TV on. He had the biggest LCD TV you could imagine and Zoe loved it. It was like being at the cinema. He closed the blinds, collected the remote controls and flopped onto the end of the sofa. He covered Zoe over with a blanket and gently lifted her legs onto his knee.

"You comfortable there?" he asked her concerned.

"Yep, well as comfortable as i can be." She replied. He put one hand onto her stomach and began gently rubbing it. The other hand he used to massage her feet. His hands always looked massive compared to her tiny frame.

"Pass us the remote then." She said cheekily. He did as instructed and carried on massaging her feet. Zoe began flicking through the channels really quickly._I hate it when she does that, _he thought but smiled. Just another thing he missed about her not being there. She suddenly stopped and nodded with content, she had found the channel she wanted. He heard the familiar drums at the beginning of the theme tune and then turned to see the Aeriel map of London and the river Thames.

"You've got to be kidding me right?" He said.

"Whats wrong with Eastenders?" She asked sarcastically.

"You know I hate this programme, its such a depressing, unrealistic representation of life." He commented

"Oh blah blah! Stop being so pretentious. Anyway your child likes it so..." She smiled

"Oh right is that how you are going to get your own way from now on is it?" He asked and tickled the base of her foot.

"Yep. Get used to it!" She replied and continued watching.

"I tell you what, Ill go unpack your clothes and make you a coffee whilst you watch this tripe." He winked at her and carefully lifted her legs again. He got up and covered her over. "Just yell me if you need anything."

He disappeared into the bedroom smiling to himself. Yes he was a stubborn, self indulgent, arrogant man. But he really loved this woman, although he hated to admit it. He had only told her once, and that came as a shock to him. He wasn't the emotional, soppy type. He hated to think anyone had control on any part of him other than himself. Now he had something else to share his love with. A child was growing, his child and he finally had everything he wanted, his life was complete. If he collapsed right there and then he would be happy. He had Zoe, their child and his legacy, and also the ED was running along swimmingly. He never even had to have the meeting with Henry after the report he filed. Things were fantastic.

He began unpacking Zoe's bag and turned on his stereo quietly. He hummed along contently to whatever operatic noise protruded out of the speakers. He laughed out loud to himself as he began unpacking because everything was so neat and tidy. All her clothes and nightwear was folded with precision and were separated into colours and whites. Her socks were rolled into balls, so as not to lose one and end up with odds like she always did. Obviously she had wangled one of the nurses to do this for her.

"Hey Zo have you been wasting NHS professionals time?" He called, "You have clearly gotten a nurse to pack your bag its too neat for you." She gulped and a sick feeling came in her stomach.

"Erm... yeah sorry! Why don't you leave that and come in here!" _Shit the chocolates she thought. _She had completely forgotten Matt had put them in afterwards. He shook his head and smiled. "Im almost finished now..." he trailed off as he came to the chocolates. On the box there was a message that read _**If Theres anything you** **need EVER love Matt x **_Nick was angry, he couldn't hold it in this time. He slowly left the bedroom. His face was bright red and the wrinkles had reappeared on his head. He had the same look on his face as when she had shouted _I love you _across the ED when she told him she wasnt pregnant.

"So *IS* there anything you need Dr Hanna?" He asked dryly. He threw the chocolates onto the side.

"Nick, i can explain." she replied

"hmmmm now where I have heard that one before!" He didn't yell at her but he had a tone of disgust to his voice. "Im going out!" and with that he picked up his keys and left her laying on the sofa...

_**sorry its a bit short, but I have updated twice in a day you lucky things xx**_


	11. Chapter 11

**_Sorry its been a few days, busy with work and stuff. Here is the next chapter. You are going to see a different side to Zoe here and maybe in other chapters. If it doesn't work then I apologise in advance, but its just some ideas I had in my head. Enjoy. As always, i don't own Zoe and Nick but if I did they would certainly be having more focus than a few one liners and sneaky looks!_**

**_Chapter 11_**

Zoe sat on the sofa, holding her stomach with one hand and her forehead with the other. She was trying not to get stressed or upset. It really annoyed her how Nick was so strung up on Matt Strong! He was just being friendly and it wasn't like anything had been going on between her and nick at the time. She groaned out loud at the thought, although secretly she loved how Nick got jealous and used to thrive on winding Nick up across the ED when she was seeing Matt. Deep down, she did like Matt as he was kind, caring, considerate, even perfect! But he wasn't Nick Jordan! That was his only flaw but it was one he could never overcome. A_nd he was a bit wet _she thought. She sighed at the thought of Nick storming out and leaving her alone. Alone. She was alone in the apartment, at night. _Had he locked the door behind him?_She suddenly sat up as she felt herself begin to tremble uncontrollably. She looked out onto the balcony and saw shadows moving across the front of the glass. She quickly got up and closed the blinds, trying to close out the darkness. _Where is he?_She thought. A fire work was set off outside, which caused her to jump dramatically. Her breathing began to rapidly increase as if she was hyperventilating. She then heard footsteps outside the door, although she couldn't be sure if she did really hear anything. Her chest began to ache and she was trying to breathe deeply, as to not distress the baby. She shuffled over to the door and locked it before quickly moving into the bathroom and locking herself in. _What the hell is happening to me? _She thought. She began to feel lightheaded and woozy so she sat on the floor with her head between her legs taking deep breaths. Then she felt something digging into the middle of her back. She closed her eyes to try and block it out, to focus on her baby and being calm. All she could see was a pile of rubble and hear a voice, it was his voice. It seemed to penetrate her eardrums as she sat with her fingers in her ears. Her chest got tighter, causing her to cough and it felt like she couldn't breathe. She continued to take deep breaths to try and rid her body of the intense fear and apprehension she had about being alone. Being alone never bothered her before, why now? and what was that feeling in the bottom of her back, as if something was pressing into it...

Nick had driven around the block a few times then parked on the bridge watching the world go by below. He had everything he had ever wanted at his fingertips. He had the woman he loved to hate but hated to love. His saviour. His girl. The mother of his child, his lasting legacy. She was someone who could help him through his sufferng and be there when he needed her, although he liked to pretend he would never need anyone. He hit the steering wheel with a scrunched fist in frustration. There was still that something inside that was doubting her, doubting whether she was trustworthy. Deep down, nick knew that she had only been dishonest to do the right thing, although with Zoe Hanna it was always the wrong thing! She never intentionally set about to hurt him, even though she did. Matt strong was nothing to her! What Nick and Zoe had was more special than anything either of them had ever experienced. Their bond was so special, they had created a life! Nothing could compare with that, EVER! _You idiot! _Nick said out loud to himself and drove off hurriedly to get back to his girl...

Nick arrived back to find the door locked._That's odd! _He thought as he opened the door. He slowly walked into the livingroom, ready for the tirade of abuse he was undoubtedly going to face but Zoe wasn't there. He went into the kitchen and she wasn't there either. He stopped and scratched his head. Maybe she had gone to take a bath.

"Zoe!" he called as he walked towards their bedroom. "Zo! Where are you?" He heard no response so he made his way to the bathroom. He stopped as he could hear heavy breathing and whimpering. He looked towards the bathroom door, and there was the familiar orange light spewing out from under it. He put his ear to the door and could hear breathing but the whimpering had stopped. He knocked quietly so he didn't startle her.

"Zoe! Its me! You ok?" he asked with concern. This seemed to bring Zoe out of her episode and back into the room. She felt nauseous, but the pain in her chest had subsided and her breathing began to return back to normal. Her cheeks stung from the salty tear tracks, where she had obviously been crying, but consiously she was not aware of this. She was puzzled as to what had happened when she heard nick again.

"Zoe talk to me." He said. "I know your pissed off at me but just open the door please." He continued.

She quickly realised what was going on and didn't want to worry him. She couldn't admit to him what had just happened. She knew she had suffered a panic attack and could have put her baby under stress once more, but she would never admit such weakness to anyone, especially Nick. _Get a grip Zoe! _She thought as she stood up.

"Oh you're back then. Ill be out in a second ok?" She replied portraying her usual _Im pissed off with nick _mood, rather then the terrified one she had just experienced.

"Are you sure you're ok?" He asked.

"Yeah stop fussing will you!" She snapped back. He lifted his hands in the air and uttered "ok ok" under his breath before walking away. He knew she had been crying, he heard her, but he thought it was because of the way he had behaved. He had no clue that Zoe was obviously suffering from post traumatic stress or something similar, following the warehouse siege. It was the first time she had been alone since it happened, and that's what had scared her. Being Alone! She was yet to face up to what had happened and to talk to somebody about it, and this time she really did need to talk. She could not adopt her usual coping mechanism of getting slaughtered and pulling some random bloke. She had a child to think of now, she just had to get over it.

She washed her face in cold water, and washed away any trace of what just happened, before exiting the bathroom and sitting down on the sofa once more. Nick skulked into the room from in the kitchen and sat on the coffee table in front of her.

"Im sorry about before." He said. That's all she would get from Nick Jordan.

"Look its fine. You must be shattered." She said kindly.

"Yes but you were... you know... and there was no need for that I didn't mean..." She interrupted him with a soft touch on his leg.

"Nick its fine ok? Hormones you know how it is." She smiled at him in an attempt to make him feel better.

"If you're sure." He added and she bent in towards his lips and kissed him softly.

"Now if you've finished being an idiot, go make us a coffee will you?" She added. He shook his head at her and smiled. He reached out and rubbed her cheek with the pad of his thumb, before bringing her head in for another kiss. This time he kissed her once tenderly, before going into a more passionate kiss where their tongues reached for each other as if they had been apart for ever.

"Ohhh Mr Jordan! I think you need a cold shower!" She said and he laughed as he went to make her coffee. When he returned, Zoe had laid out on the sofa and was watching some detective programme on TV.

"Hmmm better than that other tripe you were watching earlier." He uttered as he sat on the end of the sofa.

"Pipe down Jordan, I cant hear it." She replied with a giggle. He then jumped up and straddled her. She struggled beneath him as he bent forward and started to kiss her open neckline seductively. She tried to push him off as she started to feel her chest tighten like before. Her breathing began to get heavy again. She pulled him towards her with the collar of his shirt and began kissing him passionately. She was trying to disguise her heavy breathing as that of arousal and pleasure as opposed to the fear that was creeping up from her stomach. She tried to breathe his scent in through her nostrils, to encompass her body with it, rather than the stench of fear. She wanted to remind her head that it was Nick on top of her, not some crazed lunatic. As she fought for his tongue in his mouth she gripped the back of his shirt so tightly, her nails dug into his skin which made him quickly pull back. "My, my doctor Hanna anyone would think you had been missing something." He uttered as he went back down for a kiss. Zoe couldn't stand him on top of her anymore, she felt claustrophobic.

"Nick get off you are squashing me now." She said and tried to push him off. He resisted, obviously, and went to kiss her neckline again. His hand began to slowly wander up her top and she tried to relax and go with it, this was the man she loved for gods sake. It was such a difficult position for her to be in. On one hand she ached for his hands on her, she wanted him so badly. She had missed his big heavy hands, touching her so tenderly in all the places she loved. But something in her head was sending messages to her body to be afraid and her body was giving off all those signals. She felt his hand move up her stomach and his thumb skimmed over the lace on her bra. She had to stop. She couldn't be with him like this.

"Nick seriously you need to get off me!" He laughed dirtily and carried on by lifting her top up and moving down to kiss her stomach.

"Nick You're hurting me. Please get off!" He sensed the desperation in her voice and the words "you re hurting me" and he jumped up in a flash. She sat up after him and put her head in her hands. She couldn't even let the man she loved touch her under her clothes. What the hell was wrong with her?

"Sorry i didnt mean to..." He trailed off. Zoe looked up from her hands and saw the sadness on his face. He would never hurt her and it made him sick to think he had.

"No! No! Its me its me! Im sorry I don't know whats wrong." She said as her voice began to shake.

"Hey, hey come here its fine. Its fine." He said as he pulled her into his arms. She put her head onto his chest and breathed in deeply. She took in his scent which made her lose control and she began to cry.

"Hey Zo shhh shhhh theres no need for this its ok." He said as he held her in his arms and stroked her hair. She cried silently into his chest and was thinking how she was going to tell him what she was going through. How she was going to tell him that his brave girl was weak! Weak and petrified of something that wasnt even there...

_**hmmmmm not sure. Let me know. I know our Zoe would probably never show such weakness, but its a side of her I think we began to see before the writers forgot she existed. Particularly in the last episode of series 24 when her voice broke as she shouted across the ED to nick she loved him. aawwwww. Review please. **_


	12. Chapter 12

_**Hey guys next chapter is here, all i can say is stay with it. I have to build up action, and it is difficyult when its written down. It takes time. Also did anyone else nearly have a fit on saturday when nick said he was going back to surgery? Oh my God is this why we have had no Zoe/Nick coz hes leaving? **_

**CHAPTER 12**

Nick managed to calm Zoe down but she still didn't give anything away to him. She passed it off as hormones once more and explained to him she was feeling out of sorts with the pregnancy and everything else. He had been the perfect gentleman, he was understanding and not too pushy, however he did suggest that she attended some expectant mother therapy group run by another one of his so called friends. She wasn't ready to talk to him about how she was feeling just yet, and deep down she did'nt think she would ever be ready. She was never vulnerable, always tough, cocky and strong. Even when she hurt the most, she barely shed a tear, she just did what she always did and got hammered. Nick had started to bring the vulnerable side out in her before they split. She had openly admitted to him that she loved him, which she had never done in any relationship before. She had broken down in her office when she realised she wasn't pregnant and she had even declared her love for him across the ED. She didn't quite know why he brought this side out in her, but she was definitely more in touch with her emotions and was actually learning to feel things, to love.

Zoe managed to get through the next few days without any more episodes. She was still resting and wasn't "allowed" back to work just yet. She had settled into Nick's flat once more and had been making some minor adjustments to put her stamp on the place. This time she was here to stay, whatever happened between the two of them, she wasn't giving up on them anymore. She had settled on the sofa to watch some mid afternoon chat show that nick would ridicule her for if he knew. He had been working on earlys all week, which Zoe had been happy about because it meant he was always home before dark. She smiled at the thought of him and rubbed her tummy. She was brought out of her daydream by the familiar ring tone blasting out from her mobile. She bent over and picked it up. NICK it flashed at her as she pressed and answered.

"Yes Im still alive." She joked.

"Zoe. Hello. You ok?" He asked seriously.

"Yes we are fine. Yes i am resting and no im not eating junk food, although i have just been out for a cigarette."

"ZOE!" Nick uttered sharply.

"God you are just too easy. Whats up?" She asked.

"Im just calling to let you know Im going to be home late." Zoe felt the saliva in her mouth disappear, and her throat went dry. Her heart began to beat more rapidly. He continued "Ive got to go to a meeting with Henry and the board regarding our current state and an impending inspection we will have to endure. Ill probably be like an extra couple of hours or so." Zoe gulped at his words and was trying to swallow, but there was nothing to swallow. Her chest began to tighten. If he was going to be an extra 2 hours it would be dark. She would be alone again.

"Zo! you there?" He asked her.

"eerr... yeah sorry." She began to feel her chest tighten as her mind was flashing images of everything she didn't want to be reminded of.

"You ok? You sound off?" He asked her with concern.

"Yeah. Im fine. Its just the signal keeps breaking up." She lied.

"Ok. Ill see you later then. Keep those feet up." He instructed.

"Yeah... er bye." She said distantly and hung the phone up. She looked at the clock it was just before 4pm. He would be at least another 2 hours! She sat staring out of the big, glass window as the rest of the chat show played out to itself. She was trying not to think about anything in particular, to keep her mind off being alone. She watched as the autumn sky began to turn rusty orange and the dark clouds began to replace what had been a beautiful late October day. Zoe began to feel apprehensive about being alone. She sat forward and began taking deep breaths and rubbing her stomach. She was now about 14 weeks pregnant and was beginning to faintly feel things going on inside. When she started with one of those episodes, the baby would move slightly ,as if sensing what its mother was about to endure. She could hear people moving around in the flat above which timed perfectly with the tightening of her chest. She heard something outside that sounded just like something she had heard before. The noise sent her into what could only be described as a flashback, back to the disused warehouse and again she could feel something in her lower back. It was like going back to a scene in a film and watching it repeatedly as she always ended up in the same place, like the DVD was stuck. A door slammed outside which brought her back out of what ever vision she was seeing. _Oh sod it! _She said out loud and went to get changed. She quickly slipped out of her comfys and into a pair of jeans, although they were getting pretty tight by this point. She put on a fitted jumper, her winter jacket and scarf and quickly exited the flat. Once she was outside the door she began to feel better. Her breathing returned to normal, and the pain in her chest gradually faded. She stood by the door until a car pulled up outside. She moved quickly and got into the car "Holby General Emergency department please" She said as she sat down.

Zoe arrived at the ED about 15 minutes before Nick was due to finish. She had taken a moment to pull herself together completel, before entering the building to be greeted by Noel and Jay.

"Hey Doctor Hanna, good to see you." Noel said.

"Hey Zo" Jay smiled and came round to give her a hug. "How are you guys doing?" He added as he touched her stomach gently. She flinched away quickly at his touch, which jay thought was strange.

"Yeah we're good a little sore though" She tried to explain why she'd flinched.

"Oh right sorry" Jay said, absorbing her lie completely.

"So where is he then?" She asked, "Still with the big wigs upstairs?"

"Nah. He came back about 5 minutes ago, hes in his office. Come on." Jay went to put his arm around Zoe and again she moved away.

"Sore there as well ey? hey you are in the wars ." He apologised again as he walked Zoe to nicks office. Jay knocked and entered.

"Mr J, the old ball and chain is here." He said and laughed.

"What?" Nick looked puzzled and Zoe popped her head around the door and gave a cheeky wave.

"Zoe! What are you doing here? You should be resting." He said grumpily as he got up from his desk. Jay winked at Zoe and said how great it was to see her, before making a swift exit.

"Oh pipe down Mr Jordan, Im fine." She walked over to him and kissed him, but he wasn't amused. " Anyway, we came to collect you didn't we bub." She said as she rubbed her stomach. He smiled at her warmly. How could he resist her when she was being so cute. He pulled her to him and returned her earlier kiss.

"Don't think you can use that one everytime Dr Hanna. Cheap trick you know." He said to her complete with one of his special looks. She giggled and lent against his desk as he sat back down to finish his work.

"Ive nearly finished now anyway." He turned to her, kissed her stomach and then turned back to the computer. "So what have you two been up to today?"

"Aaah not a lot we watched some TV then bubba got bored so we went to the shopping centre and mummy spent all of daddy's money before heading to the pub for cocktails and dancing." Nick turned around to her, raised his eyebrows and rolled his eyes.

"Quite the comedian aren't we Doctor Hanna." He uttered.

"Nah, we just been resting. Doctors orders and all that. Oh come on Nick, I want to go home." She said impatiently.

"Zoe, I need to finish this. Ill be 5 minutes. Go talk to your playmates or something." He pointed to the door. Zoe was having none of this so she sat on the desk and grabbed nick's tie. She pulled him up to her and into a long passionate kiss. Their tongues met each other as Zoe's hands went around the back of nick and into his back pockets pulling his body towards her. She broke the kiss and kissed round his neck up to his ear and whispered "But i want to play with you." seductively before pulling him back into an even deeper kiss. He groaned as he ached to have her. She moved one of her hands from his back pocket around to the front of his trousers. She broke the kiss again and whispered in his ear once more. "Feels like someone else wants to play too." He groaned once more. She laughed out loud and jumped down from the desk.

"So we going then Mr Jordan?" She asked and smiled.

"Dr Hanna that was a very evil trick." He said as he shook his head and went to put his coat on.

"Ive got a lot more where that came from." She laughed as they exited the office and he locked the door. He grabbed hold of her hand and held it as they walked out of the ED.

"Good job you've got a big coat on to cover that up." She said and nodded down towards the bulge in his trousers.

"Come on" He laughed as he slapped her bum and they walked out of the ED.

Zoe smiled to herself. Going down to meet him had been a fantastic idea. She had surprised him and probably managed to make him forget all that had happened the previous night when he had touched her. She had managed to avoid a full blown panic attack and having to tell Nick about it. She didnt have to tell him the truth, she had managed to disguise and avoid yet again._ Im getting good at this! _She thought. She was mighty pleased with herself, but what was she going to do next time and the time after that...

_**Hope you are liking this. I know not alot is happening in each chapter but this is going to be a long one and I don't like using the 2 days later 3 months later thing. Id rather tell you what is happening. Stay tuned, she will be telling nick soon and then you will receive all the gooy pregnancy stuff after that. Thanks for the reviews and please continue with them. I have to know someone is reading, or no point in writing without an audience! **_


	13. Chapter 13

**Sorry sorry sorry! Its been ages and its late (i know i promised you Jordan and zoe forever) I hate Xmas is all i can say. Oh and im sulking because Nick has now also disappeared grrrrrr and Ruth is in charge! I need some inspiration! Bring back Nick and Zoe before i spontaneously combust! rant over... enjoy... **

**CHAPTER 13**

Nick and Zoe had gone home, after a car journey full of their usual banter. Nick had cooked Zoe her dinner, and Zoe had gone to take a bath. She relaxed in the soapy water and smiled to herself. She was feeling content right now, and these feelings overwhelmed her, enabling her to push the demons right to the back of her mind. She wanted to bury them deep and prayed that they would not resurface. She closed her eyes and began to think about the life she had with Nick, and the life she was going to give to her child. She had thought about names as well, even though that was very uncharacteristic of Zoe. She was not into silly, girly behaviour and had never thought about a big white wedding and babies. Whilst her school friends daydreamed of boys, money and weddings, Zoe opted to go outside for a fag! She didn't need a man, she could fend for herself. She was going to be a doctor and she would eat those types of men for breakfast. She laughed out loud to herself. She had definitely been given a run for her money with Nick Jordan. She heard a knock on the bathroom door.

"Hey Zo you ok in there?" He asked as he entered.

"Just come in why don't you." She replied sarcastically.

"Ok then" He answered, and began to take his clothes off mockingly. She laughed and he added, "No need to be shy Doctor Hanna, theres nothing I haven't seen before."

"Yeah right. Anyone would think you'd come to cop a look Mr Jordan, Im a mother now you know, well nearly." she smiled.

"Yeah I know. Whats that term again? Erm MILF is that right?" He laughed out loud.

"Cheeky" She said as her warm, soapy hand tapped him on the arm playfully. He grabbed hold of her hand and began inspecting it.

"Yes, just as i thought. You have been in here far too long. You're all shrivelled." He stroked her palm with his thumb before kissing it softly.

"You old sap! Im getting out in a sec anyway, waters gone cold." She replied. She watched as he moved to her stomach and gently removed the soap suds away so he could see her small bump. She loved to see him behaving this way. Gentle, caring, loving even. Right now, he was so far away from the Nick Jordan everyone else saw in the ED, and she loved how it was her and only her that got to see him this way. He picked up a handful of soap suds and grabbed a towel. Rather than wiping the suds from his hand with the towel, he proceeded to put them into Zoe's face with a sneaky laugh. She screamed playfully and giggled. She gave him the "I told you so" look.

"And we'll have less of the OLD" He added. He winked at her and left the room.

He was sitting at the breakfast bar with classic FM playing quietly in the background when she finally emerged from the bathroom. He was reading his newspaper, _probably the Guardian or something Yawn! _Zoe thought. She walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge, pouring herself some organic orange juice.

"Thirsty?" He asked.

"Well Im not but someone is. Im sure she... or he is going to take after me on that front. Im always drinking." Nick thought she looked adorable in her pyjamas and cuddly dressing gown and smiled as he turned back to his paper.

"Hang on a minute." She walked over to him, "Are you drinking wine! Hows that fair! You knock me up and you can drink wine." She winged.

"Alls fair in love and war." He replied, and unfastened her dressing gown belt before pulling her towards him,"Besides, Ive heard its good for the brain." He lent up towards her and kissed her passionately. His arms wrapped around her waist and landed on her behind. He began kissing her neck and his hand went down the front of her camisole pyjama top. He pulled away and gave her a puzzled look. She thought there was something wrong but he then proceeded to pull the top of her cami away from her chest and looked down it.

"Im sure they get bigger by the day." He said and laughed out loud. She tapped his hand away and shook her head. "Im off to veg on the sofa" and with that she was gone.

As it got later, Nick had joined her on the sofa. He had put on some High definition BBC Documentary, after proceeding to explain to Zoe how precise the picture looked and sprawled out with Zoe beside him, her head resting on his chest. He had one arm around her, subconsciously drawing circles with his thumb on her shoulder. He would occasionally move up and play with her hair. He was half watching the TV and half thinking about how happy he was right now. For the first time since he had found out about the tumour, he was actually able to forget about it and concentrate on being happy. Suddenly, he felt Zoe twitch. He looked down at her as she settled. Then she twitched again. He noticed her eyeballs beneath her eyelids begin to move rapidly. _She must be dreaming, _he thought as he tried to sooth her by stroking her hair once more. It appeared to work, but only for about 2 minuted before her head started to jolt from side to side. "nnoooo" she murmured. Nick looked slightly worried and tried to gently bring her around. "Zoe. Zo wake up." He whispered close to her ear. She gave no response to what he was saying and only seemed to respond to whatever she was seeing in her dream. "noo please dont" she slurred before sharply yelling "My Baby" She began to thrash around on the sofa and Nick noticed her breathing and temperature had rapidly increased. He could feel the sweat on her back and see it on her brow. He tried to move from under her gently so as not to startle her, but also to avoid being kicked somewhere he really didn't want to be. "Zoe! Wake up!" he said louder. Still she was thrashing and none responsive. "Get off... no" She uttered, much more clearly now. Nick could see she was clearly stressed and didnt want to cause unnecessary harm to their unborn child so decided to adopt a more assertive tone to wake her from her obvious nightmare. "ZOE WAKE UP ITS OK!" He tried to stop her from thrashing around and then shook her "WAKE UP!" He said louder. This managed to do the trick as she jumped up from the sofa yelling

"NOOOO GET AWAY!" as she nearly fell over the coffee table. She ended up by the wall in the corner before she realised what was going on. She was disorientated and all the colour had drained from her olive skin. Nick just stood in amazement as he watched the drama unfold and stared at her as she came around from the episode. She stared back at him as her eyes began to glaze over and Nick finally realised just how terrified she was.

"Hey, hey whats all this about." He said softly as he approached her.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" She said in return nastily. This nearly knocked Nick off his feet and stopped him dead in his tracks. _why is she doing this?_ He thought.

"Zoe its me." He uttered in shock.

"I SAID STAY AWAY! IM FINE! JUST STAY OVER THERE!" She yelled back. Nick didn't really know what to do for the best. She obviously didn't want him near her, but right now he needed to establish what was going on and making her so afraid.

"Zoe. Please talk to me. What is it? You can tell me, you don't have to be brave anymore." He replied softly as he gently took a few steps nearer to her. His words had appeared to soften her, and a single tear trickled down her face as she fought so desperately hard not to cry.

"Its ok. Im here. Nobody will hurt you. What is it?" He tried again as he moved the last few steps to be with her. As he did so, she lost all control and began to cry before sliding down the wall to the floor shaking her head. Nick ran over to her and scooped her into his arms and held her tight.

"Shhhhh its ok. Its ok." Her breathing had returned to normal, but he could feel her trembling in his arms. _What the hell was making her so afraid? Nick thought. The seige! Adam had tried talking about it. Nick you idiot! _He held her until she stopped shaking and managed to pull herself together.

"Im sorry." She uttered softly.

"Its ok, you don't need to apologise, what you need to do is tell me whats going on Zo?" He replied. He moved back as she sat with her knees up to her chest and her elbows on them. She put her hands over her face.

"God I feel like such an idiot. Getting into this state over a bloody dream." She was trying to pass it off again, but this time it didn't work.

"I think you and i both know there is something more going on here." He replied. She looked up at him from beneath her hands, "I tell you what, why don't I make us a coffee and then you can tell me whats going on."

"Im fine. Just a really bad dream, ill be ok in a while." She replied, trying to disguise the tremble in her voice once more.

"If that was just a dream then we need to take you to a specialist for REM sleep disorder, I nearly lost my wedding tackle back there!" He said trying to lighten the mood and she smiled. He got up and went to make coffee before adding

"you are going to talk to me about this."

_**Well sorry about the wait I try so hard to update but I'm really busy from now until well January, stupid Xmas. I promise she will explain all to Nick in the next chapter and im sorry this wasn't really action packed again. I like a little bit of Nick and Zoe cuteness :) seen as they are BOTH now not in the show! GRRRRRRR! I'm sure Saturdays ep will be ace though, Sunetra has co directed it :) GO GIRL! **_


	14. Chapter 14

**Seen as Ive been so slack, I thought I would update again for you as a little treat. Hope you like it *Prays* please say you do. **

**CHAPTER 14**

... Nick came back from the kitchen with 2 steaming hot mugs of coffee. Zoe had removed her dressing gown to try and cool down and was now sat on the sofa, staring into space. Her cheeks were left stinging from her dried up tear tracks. She couldn't believe she had got into such a state over a dream. Yes she was terrified, anxious and disorientated but most of all she was embarrassed. Embarrassed that she had lost control like that over a dream, and right in front of the one person she hated to show her weakness to. He put the coffee down on the coasters on the coffee table He then opted to sit on the coffee table, directly infront of her so she could not escape him. This was one thing she hated about Nick Jordan. When he had something on his mind he could be so pushy, whereas Matt would let her have her own space and deal with it her own way. Matt never pushed her or challenged her. Nick on the other hand, would push or challenge until he finally broke her. Just like he did the day they first got back together. Rather than tell her how he really felt, he would push her and wind her up until she eventually cracked. He loved to get a reaction out of her, and by doing so he knew that she still cared for him and even loved him. Deep down Zoe loved to be pushed and challenged and was one of the reasons she had fallen for Nick in the first place. She knew he would never let this go, but she was going to put up a fight.

He had widened his legs around her so she was inbetween him. He wanted her to feel protected, but at the same time he knew this non verbal communication with her gave him the power, the upperhand. He put a supportive hand on her leg and she looked up. He passed her the coffee.

"Right, so where do we start Doctor Hanna." He said softly.

"Well usually at the beginning." She said sarcastically and sighed.

"You don't have to tell me everything, only what you want to, I wont push you. This is a safe environment Zoe..."

"Jesus Nick, you're supposed to be my boyfriend not my counsellor!" She said angrily and tried to get up and walk away from him. He reached out his arm and tightened his legs around hers.

"Ah no you don't." He said. he knew what she was doing. Running away like she had done when she first found out about his tumour, only this time he wouldn't let her. She gained whatever remaining strength she had and tried to push past him, but he didn't budge. He stood up and held her shoulders.

"Listen Nick, you should know me by now. You should know us. We dont talk. I dont do talking." She said.

"Yes and i don't do listening, guess we can both learn something new hmmm?" He replied. She looked up at him and he smiled at her.

"So you can stand here trying to get away from me, do what we always do and ignore the important things, hide the truth. Or we can sit down, talk about it like adults and I may be able to help you. This isn't just about me and you anymore Zoe. Its not about our egos and who is better than who. Its about her..." He reached out and touched her stomach "...or him. Now whats going on." She gave up and sat back down. He had managed to break her once more. This time she knew she had to talk. She couldn't hide it from him anymore.

She sighed and then began to talk. "Well it all started when i came home from the hospital really." She began to explain. He nodded at her and said nothing.

"It was the first time I had been alone, at night. You had gone off in one of your huffs and I hadn't really noticed anything abnormal really before that. I had felt more jumpy than normal, but had put it down to hormones." She paused waiting for a reaction to her "Huffs" comment, but he was silent just enthralled in what she was telling him_. Wow he really is listening! _She thought.

"I really noticed that I was alone and it was dark outside and I didn't like it. It really started to freak me out and I had a panic attack. Then it started again when we were on the sofa and I told you to get off me. I just felt claustrophobic. Im sorry. The final straw was today when you said you would be late home and I just couldn't handle it, so came down to you before I had another episode. Stupid I know. So, now you know whats going on. Im sure I will be fine its probably just some pregnancy related thing..." She went to get up again and he stopped her. He didn't look at her he just said:

"Zoe, what happened in the warehouse?" He asked gently.

"What? Whats that got to do with anything?" She tried to disguise that it was the whole warehouse event that was causing these attacks.

"Tell me what happened in the warehouse." He repeated. _God why does he know me so damn well! _She thought.

"What do you wanna know?" She was slow timing him now and he looked at her for the first time, raising his eyebrows, but saying nothing.

"OK, OK..." She paused and took a deep breath"... It wasn't nice in there. There were injured people that i needed to treat and I needed to get them out. I had done all I could. The police were no bloody help either and after everything, i didn't want to lose those patients, but he wouldn't let me out like an idiot." She was explaining what had happened inside, but was trying to make out like it was nothing and at the same time deflecting away from her true feelings about what had happened.

"Zo, what did he do to you." Nick said as he took her hand tenderly.

"To me? He wouldn't let the patients out and I was starting to lose them." Zoe felt her chest tighten and her breathing became faster. He rubbed her hand in circular motions with his thumb. "Its ok" He whispered.

"I cant do this." She suddenly stood up and this time managed to get past him, she walked over to the big glass window and tried to compose herself. "Who are we kidding here Nick? This isn't us. Talking and listening can we not just get back to what we are good at and argue. Lets just cut our losses here, lets not pretend we are something we are not. We never have been and never will be." She yelled.

"That's right, lets make everything about our relationship. Don't you not think it would be easy for me to pack up, go to China, go to Italy and live out my last years there? I don't want that, I want you however damn difficult you always make it. You lied to me Zoe and here I am, trying to make this work. I want the Zoe Hanna back I know and love. The one who is strong, courageous and brave, not this weak Zoe stood before me who cant even tell me how she feels!" He yelled back at her just as loudly. He meant what he was saying, of course, but the soul aim of his outburst was to evoke a reaction from her and the only way to do that was to get her angry. He knew exactly how to play her to make her open up.

"Dont hold back Nick just say what you really think!" She replied just as fearce, tears of anger glazing her eyes.

"Do you know what, everyone is scared of something Zoe, you just have to get the balls to admit it. Im scared of dieing. Yep Dieing. Can you imagine whats it like day in and day out not knowing when and where you are going to drop down dead? Do you know how I feel knowing that I may never see or hold our child? So stop being selfish Zoe Hanna and let me help you, for the sake of our child! if nothing else!" He knew that would be the final push to tip her over the edge, and he was right. Tears had began to spill out of her eyes as he talked about dieing. He knew how much that hurt her, yet he still used it as a weapon.

"Im selfish? Im selfish! Would I ever ask you to end my life because Im too damn selfish to grow a backbone and live it. Do you know what its like to never be able to hold our baby? YES I BLOODY DO! I never thought I would hold any baby of my own Nick, and it would eat me up. Everyday you would go on and on about it to the point of annoyance! I have had a gun pointed at me for Christs sake, been pushed an ragged around petrified for my life! And I did it all for you and that stupid emergency department! SO NEVER SAY IM SELFISH!" She was crying now. He had finally got her to open up, even though he had hated the way in which he had done so. With Zoe Hanna, that's all he knew and it worked every time. He moved closer to where she was standing and looked at him and saw the true feelings portrayed through his eyes. She wasn't about to stop now though, he wanted her to talk and she was talking!

"I thought he was going to kill me. I can still feel the gun in my back. And then everything collapsed. I couldn't breathe, I cant breathe. The worst thing is, I chose to put myself in that situation, but I also chose to put our baby in that situation. I nearly killed our baby, and every time I close my eyes I can hear a baby cry and I'm back there with him. All the time there is this baby crying and Im trying to get to it and then he grabs me and holds me back and everything collapses." She was sobbing now and Nick went over to her to hold her. For once she let him with no fight, no resistance, nothing. She just clung onto him like he was the only thing left in her life. She buried her head into his chest and sobbed.

"I swear I didnt know. If Id known I would never have gone in. You have to believe me I didnt know." She continued.

"Shhh I know its ok." He said reassuringly. He held her back as he guided her to the bedroom, she still clung onto him for dear life. He pulled back the covers and put her into the bed, before stripping down to his boxers. He got into bed and pulled her onto his chest holding her tight and stroking her hair. She cried for a good while and then she was suddenly silent. His chest was wet from her tears. He looked down at her and could see her eyelids were closed. She looked peaceful and the worry lines on her face had disappeared. Her breathing had returned to normal, as he watched her chest rise and fall. _She must be asleep! _He thought.

"I only said all that so you would talk to me you know" he whispered before closing his eyes.

"Yeah I know, you sod!" She replied softly, as Nick reopened his eyes, not realising she could hear him.

"Everything will be ok. You know I do, don't you?" He said as if talking in code. She knew exactly what he meant. She had an admitance of being scared from the almighty Nick Jordan that night, there was no way she was going to get an "I love you" to add to it. She smiled through her pain at the thought.

"Yeah I do, and thank you." She replied softly before she let out a sigh once more. He kissed her head and closed his eyes. They had gotten over the biggest barrier their relationship had ever faced and that was talking openly about their feelings. They had talked properly for the first time ever. It was hard and it hurt, but they had accomplished it in the end. Before, they always skirted around anything serious by running away. Something serious would happen, they'd argue, it would end. Finished. Nick and Zoe were no more. Tonight, that had all changed. .. They yelled and talked and now found themselves in a place they had never been before. Resolution. It was now about them. Zoe, Nick and their baby and nothing else mattered.

_**Hope you liked this chapter, a bit more action packed and I hope I reflected the characters well. Ive never really seen them talk before, I mean really talk, and I know they usually piss each other off before they get to the truth. It was difficult to write their reaction and I hope I portrayed it how they would really be. Well that's how they are in my head anyway. Please keep reviewing, It will get better. I hope the pregancy stuff will push the narrative forward :) **_


	15. Chapter 15

_**Well its here, at last I hear you cry. Im sorry its taken so long but I have had the flu and the weather has been apalling so my journeys too and from work have taken 2 hours! Hope its worth the wait, not a great deal happens but its something I suppose. Oh and the return of the Jordan... 18th DECEMBER WOO HOO! **_

**Chapter 15**

The past couple of weeks had gone by without much hassle for Nick and Zoe. Since she had talked to Nick about what she had been going through, the panic attacks and flashbacks had become much more manageable and less regular. If she began to feel any sort of distress, they had both agreed that she picked up the phone and called Nick, whatever time of day it was. He had tried to persuade her to go to a counsellor, but to no avail. There was no way Zoe was going to see "_Some nut doctor" _as she described it. They had decided to deal with this together, and so far it was working. Zoe had also gone back to work, and Nick had secretly worked it so that they were doing the same shifts, for the time being anyway. This way he could keep an eye on her and could take her too and from work without her dealing with any unnecessary stress. She knew that he had concocted this little plan with Adam, but didn't let on to him. She wanted him to think he was being clever. She secretly loved how he protected her and she was ready to let him now.

It had been another typical day in the ED. Noel and Big Mac were up to their usual mischief, Adam and Kirsty were still flirting at every given opportunity, Ruth was being her delightful self and walking around like she owned the place now she was Nick's deputy and Nick was well being Nick. Zoe smiled to herself as Nick walked past the staffroom with his 'Im all stern and serious' look. She had taken 5 minutes to sit down because she was feeling tired and her shift was nearly over. She was now into her 19th week of pregnancy which meant she was showing, her ankles were swollen and she was beginning to feel like a fat lump. She was also due to go for her anomaly ultrasound scan after her shift, which was terrifying her. Here she would see if there was anything wrong with her baby, if that day had compromised the rest of her life. She was feeling extremely nervous about it, but at the same time excited because she would get to see their little miracle properly for the first time. She quickly removed the thought of the warehouse out of her mind, as she felt her chest tighten. She placed her hand on her stomach and swallowed hard, as if trying to swallow the images from her mind into the pit of her stomach. She sat back, just as the door opened.

"Oh Dr Hanna, I wasn't aware your shift had ended?" It was Ruth.

"It hasn't, Im just taking a breather." Zoe replied dryly.

"Well this does not set a good example to the rest of the staff does it? There is paperwork and handovers to complete." Ruth twittered on. Zoe sighed and stood up.

"Oh wind it in Ruth." Zoe replied and shook her head.

"Its Doctor Winters. Id prefer if you addressed me by the correct name. Now im in this role I expect.."

"Ok Doctor Winters." Zoe replied sarcastically and opened the door. "Don't forget who taught you everything you know!" _errggh that woman!_Zoe thought as she walked off to find Nick. She had of course completed the necessary paperwork and handovers, but she hadn't told Ruth. Zoe preferred to stay out of her way until absolutely necessary. She went to Nick's office, knocked and walked in.

"Afternoon Dr Hanna." He said not looking up from what he was writing at his desk. He could distinguish her knock from anyones.

"Nick, next time you decide you need a deputy, can you consult with someone else before making your decision." She said angrily.

"and what is wrong with the deputy I appointed?" he asked sarcastically.

"Don't even go there." replied Zoe as she walked over to his desk. She lent against it and sighed. "What are you doing?" She asked.

"Oh just boring admin reports on this and that. And how are my 2 favourite people today?" He asked as he took her hand in his.

"We are just fine. I look like Im swollen, my ankles hurt and Im shattered, other than we are fine." She replied.

"Oh Im sure it will all be worth it in the end." He said and smiled.

"Oh easy for you to say, you don't have to lug an extra person around with you all day" She whined as she rubbed her neck.

"Awww poor you." He replied sarcasticlly and laughed. He then pulled her onto his knee and began rubbing her shoulders.

"Mmmm Mr Jordan you really do know how to make a girl feel good. Carry on doing that, its so nice." She replied and closed her eyes. He carried on massaging her shoulders and she really began to relax. He was so good at it, she almost fell asleep.

"Right you're going to have to get up now. We will be late." he said as he lifted her off his knee and stood up. "Jesus Zoe my legs are dead, you weigh a tonne. You really must cut down on that chocolate.." He laughed loudly as she slapped him on the arm.

"Cheeky sod. May I remind you once again who put me in this condition? And I will be reminding our child at every possible occasion that daddy did this to mummy."

"I wouldn't have you any other way. Your glowing." He said as he pulled her towards him and kissed her. He only intended it to be a small reassuring kiss, but it turned into a deeper one as they wrapped their arms around each other. Right now, he couldn't get enough of Zoe and wanted her at any given opportunity. Just then, the door opened and Ruth walked in without really looking.

"Mr Jordan I need to speak to you about Doctor H... " She broke off as she realised Nick and Zoe were in an embrace. Nick stepped back quickly and coughed. He hated being caught in a compromising position. It went against everything he believed in and made he appear very unprofessional. Zoe of course loved every second of it and had a huge smirk on her face. Nick moved away from her and pushed her back.

"You were saying Ruth?" Zoe said with her hands on her hips.

"Oh I wanted to erm.. speak to Mr Jordan about... something." Her cheeks went red with embarrassment.

"Well fire away then, we haven't got all day." Zoe replied bitchily.

"Its ok it can wait." Ruth added and just stood looking.

"Is there anything else I can do for you Doctor Winters. Only I have a pressing engagement I need to attend." Nick said.

"No. Ill catch up with you tomorrow." She replied and again stood there. Ruth thought about how much she wanted to be like them, how much she wanted to be loved properly and how she was stuck in a marriage of convenience.

"Well off you pop then." Zoe added and Nick gave her an evil glare as Ruth scurried out of the office.

"Jesus Zoe, did you have to be so unpleasant. That was not attractive." He said with a slightly annoyed tone.

"Well she deserved it. She is a cow." Zoe replied. Nick tutted and shook is head whilst he put his coat on.

"I hope you aren't going to speak to our child with that mouth." He added.

"Oh come on we will be late. Im stressed enough about this as it is without you harping on." She uttered honestly. This made him realise that Zoe was not at all comfortable about the scan and he could sense her nerves through the tone of her voice. He locked the office door and held her hand. He could feel the sweat on her palms and he had a sick feeling in the bottom of his stomach. His nerves and anxieties were just as bad as hers, but he needed to be strong for her.

"Come on. Im sure it will be fine." He said as he cupped her face and stroked her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"I hope so I really do." She added nervously.

**_Im going to leave it there. Again sorry about the delay i will try to update quicker but i work in retail management and its Christmas so... Please review as always so I know you still care. _**


	16. Chapter 16

_**Hey guys, thankyou so,so much for the reviews you really inspire me to carry on going. I really appreciate that you take time to read my stuff. Welcome to pinkdaisy 4 :) and thankyou. Well I just read the spoilers for New Years :( but i don't want to say too much. Also, you asked if I thought nick and Zoe were still together? I KNOW they aren't and wont be in the near future and it came from a good source :( But I will keep them alive on here for you guys just bare with me. Hope you like the next part :)**_

**CHAPTER 16**

Nick and Zoe walked through the ED and said their goodbyes to everyone for the day. They had kept the scan private as they didn't want everyone to know what was happening, until they knew themselves. Zoe had made it quite clear to Nick that she didn't want anyone to know anything until she knew if their baby was ok. She stepped into the lift in front of Nick and he put a supportive hand on the bottom of her back and ushered her in. She turned around, crossed her arms and let out a huge sigh.

"Shall I get it then?" He said and leaned over to press the button for Obstetrics.

"Sorry" She said flatly and sighed again. Nick stepped towards her facing her and took hold of each of her crossed arms. He looked her deeply in the eyes and awaited the return of her gaze before he said, "Its all going to be ok you know. Don't worry."

"Yeah and who made you the expert." She said and he looked hurt at the harshness of her words. "Its not like we are the definition of good luck is it Nick." She added.

"I think its time you and I had some good news for once don't you?" He said softly still holding onto her. She relaxed slightly and gave a half grin.

"Anyway Nick Jordan never, ever gets it wrong remember?" He added and winked at her. She laughed and rolled her eyes before giving him a small kiss of thanks for making her feel better. The lift finally arrived at its destination and the doors opened. Nick took hold of Zoe's hand and squeezed it.

"You ready?" He asked and awaited her reassurance.

"As Ill ever be." She added and they walked towards the reception desk...

Zoe sat nervously waiting to hear her name called out. She was biting her lip as she was thinking about what was about to happen. The scan would show if there was any birth defects with her baby and also if the fall at the warehouse had caused any lasting damage. It had certainly caused lasting damage to Zoe as she began to think about that day once more. What if she had landed awkwardly and knocked the babies head? What if the bleeding had been an indication of something they hadnt picked up? The baby hadn't really moved much yet so what happened if she had damaged it internally? Zoe began to feel her chest tighten and started to fidget around anxiously. Her breathing began to increase and she began to feel intensely warm. She sat forward and started twirling her thumbs, trying to concentrate on something else. Nick immediately sensed what was happening and put his arm around her. He didn't want to draw attention to them, especially seen as many people knew who he was in the hospital. He didn't want Zoe to feel embarrassed. He too bent forward and whispered to her:

"You OK? Do you want some water or something?"

"Don't leave me. Ill be OK in a minute." She began to take deep breaths to try and calm herself down. Nick sat by her and began tracing circles on her shoulder with his hand, trying to make her relax.

"Its ok Im here. Not much longer now and this will be over." He replied. _Thank God he's with me, _She thought.

"Zoe Hanna please." Came a friendly voice from behind the brown door. It was the sonographer. She noticed Zoe looked a little stressed and walked over to her.

"Are you ok? Do you need a minute?" She asked with compassion. Nick looked at Zoe and Zoe looked back at Nick for reassurance. He didn't have to say anything as his eyes told her all she needed to know. She squeezed his leg, took one last deep breath and stood up. "Im fine. Im ready..."

Zoe lay out on the bed with Nick standing beside her. They weren't saying much to each other and both felt sick to the stomach. Nick had gone pale but was trying not to show it to Zoe, although she could see the worry on his face. He wasn't very good at hiding his feelings from her anymore, as she had become a master of reading his facial expressions and moods.

"Ok Zoe this gel is going to feel really cold." The sonographer said. "Is this your first?" She asked Zoe. Zoe was too nervous to reply. The answer was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't speak the words.

"Yes it is." Nick answered for her.

"Well this scan will show me all Ineed to know. Im sure you are both aware of what we are looking for here. Shape of baby's head, checking baby's organs, spine and to identify whether it may have a cleft lip." She began to move the scanner about and Zoe swallowed hard. She looked like she was about to throw up.

"We will also get to see baby's arms and legs, hands and toes and make sure they are all where they should be. Don't worry Im sure everything will be fine." The sonographer replied. A_nd im not sick of hearing that line_ Zoe thought.

"There we go. Can you hear that? That's baby's heartbeat." Zoe's eyes filled up when she heard the thumping of the beat at exactly the right rhythm. She looked towards Nick who was just staring at the screen in amazement. He would have seen this a thousand times before, as had she, but this was different. This was a miracle. It was their miracle and they were both there to share it.

"And here we go baby's made an appearence." the sonographer said happiy. There on the screen infront of them was a baby. A perfectly formed baby with 2 arms and legs and fingers and toes. A single tear slipped down Zoe's cheek as a smile spread across her face. She looked towards Nick who was still engrossed in the screen, as if he had never seen anything like it before. Nick's hand was resting on the edge of the bed and Zoe rested her hand on top of it and gave it a little squeeze. He looked into her eyes and smiled warmly. There was a glint in his eyes that she had never experienced before.

"Is..is everything ok?" Zoe asked nervously as she wiped another tear from her cheek.

"Everything looks to be in order so far. I just have to do some measurements and check the organs but so far so good." The sonographer reached out and gently tapped Zoe's leg. "and after that we could even tell you baby's sex, if that's what you want." She smiled again.

"Really?" Zoe looked at Nick and he returned the squeeze to the hand.

"Yep if that's what you want. Have a chat and see what you think whilst I sort out a picture and your results" She said as she walked out of the room.

"Oh my god this is really happening isn't it?" Zoe asked rhetorically.

"So, do you wanna know?" Nick asked cautiously.

"Well do you wanna know?" She returned the question with another one.

"I asked first Dr Hanna play fairly." He replied and raised his eyebrows.

"Well yeah. I do. " She said and her eyes filled up again. "Anyway its more practical. You can choose the right clothes and colours and stuff then." She added.

"So everything seems to be ok Zoe. The baby is at the right size for its age, you are going on for 20 weeks pregnant. There are no problems with baby's organs or spine and its brain and head are developing nicely."

"Of course, goes without speaking. It will take after me you see." Nick interrupted and they all laughed. He then realised what he had said comparing the baby's brain and head to his own. His head was no longer his strength, his crutch, his source of power. It was now his weakness. So He added "Actually lets hope it doesnt take after me come to think of it."

"Oh Nick." Zoe said sympathetically.

"Your only issue is that your placenta is lying low in your uterus." The sonographer carried on and Zoe's grin dropped immediately. "Don't worry its fine. You will have another scan in the third trimester to check its position and by then it should have moved away from your cervix."

"Could that be due to the traumour in early pregnancy?" She asked and Nick shook his head.

"Possibly, but we can never really tell. The heartbeat is good though, no signs of lasting damage from the fetal tachycardia I saw in your notes." Nick looked at Zoe again and gave her a reassuring wink.

"So... Would you like to know baby's sex?" they both nodded.

"Congratulations, you are having a baby girl. There you can see where her female organs are beginning to develop. There is defiantly no sign of anything male." She pointed to the screen.

"A girl? We are having a girl." Zoe whispered and tears again pertruded out of her eyes. She looked towards Nick who was staring at the screen. His eyes glazed over and a single tear dropped down his cheek.

"Oh my God! Nick Jordan are you crying?" Zoe teased as she wiped away her own tears. He coughed with embarrassment and wiped his cheek.

"So, is there anything else we need to know." _There it is the good old Nick Jordan front _thought Zoe.

"No. Just take care of yourself, no stress and plenty of rest. Its time to start preparing. Again congratulations." She said as she wiped off the gel. Zoe stood and pulled her top down and put on her coat. She picked up her bag.

"Thankyou very much for making that easier for me." Zoe said sincerely.

"Just doing my job as you both understand no doubt." Zoe washed her hands. "Oh and don't forget this. Take care now" She added, handed the ultrasound pictures to Zoe and left.

"Come on then you big wus. Like Imever going to forget that you cried. Forget the baby, Nick Jordan crying, well that has just made my day." She laughed and threw the paper towel in the bin before turning to face him. Nick was standing looking at her. His face was expressionless and blank.

"Nick, are you ok?" She asked him concerned.

"Thankyou." He said to her.

"Thankyou? what for? It should be thanking you. Actually maybe not, just remember I said that when Im giving birth." She replied.

"Thankyou." He repeated. "Thankyou for giving me everything Ive ever wanted." His eyes told a story of sadness that juxtaposed the part of him that was over the moon.

"Hey, you great Sap." She walked over to him and hugged him, "Its supposed to be a happy occasion."

"I know I know. I am happy." He added.

"Well what is it then. You unhappy you got a girl?" He pulled back and stared at her in shock, "2 of us in the bathroom Mr Jordan, you aren't going to get a look in."

He smiled and cupped her cheek. "Shes beautiful" he said softly and he kissed zoe tenderly. It was a kiss of emotion, love and companionship. They broke the embrace and she signalled for them to leave with a nodd of the head. She went to leave the room and he followed behind her with his arm around her back.

"Anyway of course she is beautiful, she takes after her mummy." Zoe joked. "And don't think Im going to forget you cried Mr Jordan."

"Ididnt cry. I had something in throat." He said and laughed.

"Yeah. Yeah Ive heard it all." She finishedas they walked back towards the lift hand in hand.

_**well that's it. Did it suck? Im crap at writing baby stuff as i never been in that situation but Ive done some research to try and help. I find it difficult to write the baby stuff, which is why my other fics have never really progressed. I love the idea of Nick and Zoe all happy with a baby but Its hard to write nick and Zoe in a lovey dovey way as they are never portrayed like that in the show and I want to keep them in charcter. Let me know what you think pleeeeeease muchos gracias. **_


	17. Chapter 17

_**Again thankyou kindly for the reviews, you are very sweet and Im glad I am pleasing you. I kind of like to explore them as a couple as its never really been done, only briefly and then they took it from us. Well here's the next chapter. I hope you like it. **_

**CHAPTER 17**

The bright winter sun shone through the cracks in the blind. It had awoken Nick instantly, as he had been sleeping very lightly. Zoe was laying on her side next to him with her back to him. She had to lay on her side now as she was no longer allowed to lay on her back and it wasn't comfortable for her. Nick watched as her shoulders would rise and fall to the rhythm of her breathing. He rolled over and lay on his back staring at the patterns on the ceiling. He sighed as he thought about the previous day. He had seen his baby, his little girl and she was perfect. She had perfect little fingers and toes and she already made him feel proud. There was one thing that was really bothering him now though. Now he had seen his girl, he wanted to watch her grow up. He wanted to be there for her when she first went to school, when she passed her exams, when she got her first boyfriend. He wanted to be there to walk her down the aisle when she got married and wanted to be the proud grandfather when she had her own children. Instead he might not even get to hold her. If he was extremely lucky, he might be able to hold her hand on the first day of school.

He shuffled and placed his arm behind his head and sighed again. Apart from the initial giving up and wanting to die, Nick had dealt with his illness quite well. He rarely let it get him down and he was always striving to be the best. He would push himself to the absolute maximum and he would never dwell on the inevitable. However, yesterday had made him think about his mortality and however much he tried not to think about it, he knew he wouldn't be there for his daughter. He felt guilty for thinking this, but it was worse because they were having a girl. He felt the need to protect her even more so. If he had had a son, there would be someone to look after Zoe as well. Now Zoe would have to look after their daughter and him when the inevitable happened, and he knew she wasn't great at looking after herself, let alone anyone else. And after he had gone what would happen then? Who would support Zoe? A son would be there for her, keep strong but a daughter? That was different. Again he sighed even heavier and shook his head trying to get the thoughts away and be happy about his healthy litle girl. He was being selfish, at least she was ok and nothing had compromised her health... yet. What happened if his illness was hereditary? He hadn't thought of that!

Just then Zoe groaned and reached behind her to grab Nick's arm. She pulled him towards her and rested his arm across her body with his hand on her stomach. He was spooning up behind her and took a deep breath, inhaling her scent.

"Whats with all the sighing Jordan?" She uttered sleepily.

"Huh. Did I wake you?" He replied he didn't realise she had awoken and could hear him.

"Nope madam here is pushing on my bladder. I just cant be arsed to get up so was lying here listening to you." She told him.

"Oh sorry." He apologised.

"So Ill ask again, whats with all the sighing you sound like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders or something."

"Oh Im fine. I just didn't sleep too well." He passed it off as something else.

"Ahhh you see I was wondering why we slept better, no snoring from daddy!" She joked, he didnt return her laughter. Instead he kissed the back of her neck and got up.

"You want a drink?" He asked, "Im making a coffee."

"Ohhh please, better go to the loo before I drink anything." She pushed the duvet back as she watched him look through a drawer to find a t shirt to put on with his boxers. He didn't even make eye contact with her, and he looked like he was preoccupied somewhere else.

"Seriously Nick are you ok?" she asked again.

"Hmm Im fine!" He snapped back at her. _Well clearly you're not. _She thought as she watched him leave the room.

He stood in the kitchen making coffee. He didn't mean to snap at her, but he was going to find it difficult to talk to her about this one. He had never talked to her openly about his illness for fear of upsetting her, and himself. He hovered around the kitchen and waited for the kettle to boil. He just couldn't shake the thoughts from his mind. He sat at the breakfast bar with his chin on his hands and sighed. Suddenly, a cry from the bedroom snapped him from his thought patterns and back into the room.

"Oh my God Nick!" Zoe yelled.

He quickly jumped up and followed the shriek that had come from their bedroom. _oh god! Please let her be ok _he thought.

"what is it what's wrong?" He called as he rushed into the room and saw Zoe standing there in her bra and knickers. A massive smile had enlightened her face and she was practically glowing with excitement.

"Come here, Come feel this." She said and giggled. He quickly walked over to her and she took his hand and placed it on her stomach. He felt a kick. Then another one. It was magical and his face lit up with a proud smile.

"Can you feel her?" Asked Zoe.

"Yeah. Thats amazing." He answered choked up. He began gently rubbing the bump that was now her stomach and he felt yet another one.

"Blimey someones active today." Zoe laughed, "Maybe shes got the grumps on like her old man." She added and pulled his head towards her for a kiss. This comment brought him back down to earth and he returned the kiss submissively before hurrying out of the room adding "ill get those drinks"

_what the hell is wrong with him today? _thought Zoe. He had been quiet and hadn't really returned any of her banter or reacted to her little digs. She had listened to him sigh when they were in bed and it was obvious something was troubling him, but she couldn't put her finger on it. He had been a bit strange after the scan, but she just thought that was Nick being Nick, he was strange when it came to feelings, but maybe this was something else. Whatever it was she was about to find out. She slipped on her dressing gown and walked into the kitchen to find Nick stirring their drinks with his back to her. She walked over to him and put her hands around his waste and stood on her tip toes to reach his neck where she planted a kiss.

"Come on then Mr Jordan whats wrong?" She asked again. He pulled away from her with frustration which totally knocked her off balance and she stumbled into the kitchen side.

"I told you nothing." He answered with an angry tone.

"Oh really that's why you cant get away from me quick enough is it because there's nothing wrong." she added sarcastically.

"Seriously Zoe, just drop it Ok." He gave her his most serious Nick Jordan face, picked up his mug and walked into the living room. She was not going to drop it and followed him.

"Oh I get it, the talking listening thing only applies when I have a problem but when Nick Jordan has a problem the old rules still apply." She sat down on the sofa and he began pacing around the room. "Have I done something wrong?" She asked.

"Not everything is about you Zoe." He said harshly. She was hurt by his statement and he could see that in her eyes.

"Well what the hell is it Nick? Is it the baby, are you having second thoughts coz if so its a bit late for that now." She replied

"Of course not." He told her as he stopped pacing he took a deep breath.

"well what then? Come on don't we deserve an explanation. You were fine until you saw her what am I supposed to think?" She was angry now.

"Its just it suddenly hit me this morning that im not going to be there for her, see her grow up, that's all and Im finding it slightly difficult to deal with right now so a little COMPASSION WOULDN'T GO A MISS!" He said and stormed out of the room.

"Shit I missed that one." Zoe said out loud and she looked really disappointed in herself. Of course this would be bringing up mixed feelings for him. As much as she hated thinking about it, he wasn't going to be around for long and he wouldn't get to see their beautiful girl grow up. It must be really hard for him to share the feelings of happiness without thinking of the sadness that goes with it. _Damn it Zoe you are such an idiot someimes, _she thought to herself. She crept slowly into the bedroom to see if he was there and he wasn't. She then noticed the curtain blowing at the corner of the french doors. He must be out on the balcony. She walked quietly towards the doorway and sure enough he was there, leaning on the balcony edge, mug in hand looking out across the water.

"Nick, Im sorry." She said. he turned and looked at her and then turned away. "Are you going to make me come out there in my dressing gown?" She added and he didn't move, he just ignored her.

"Im sorry, I didnt think about you. Not because I was being selfish, but because it hurts too much to think about you not being here." she walked out of the door and stood by him leaning on the balcony edge also.

"I could not be happier about our baby, of course. But I also have other feelings about it. Im scared. Im scared of what we will tell our little girl when your sick. Im scared for when you are gone because Ive got this thing, this life depending on me. I know Im probably not the greatest person to be in this situation but I am going to try my hardest to never ever let her down." She paused and he looked at her for the first time.

"You should give yourself more credit Dr Hanna." His blank faced turned into a slight smile.

"And do you know what? She's so lucky to get even 1 day with you Mr Jordan because i know you are going to be a brilliant dad. Some kids never get that chance. And, because of her, Im going to get to keep a piece of you with me forever." His smile widened and his eyes glazed over. He stepped back and opened his arms;

"Tut come here!" they hugged and he choked back the tears. What she had just said was amazing, she was amazing and he really did love her. He pulled away and cupped her face in his hands.

"I love you, you know." He said and winked at her.

"Yeah and I love you too, when your not being bloody grumpy" They kissed passionately and he pushed her towards the wall. His hand went inside her dressing gown and moved up to feel the texture of her bra.

"Nick the neighbours can see my underwear." She mumbled against his mouth as he was still reaching for her with his tongue.

"So?" He said and opened her dressing gown more so he could see her properly. He began placing kisses down her neck to the edge of her bra and she moaned with pleasure.

"Yeah well, I don't think our neighbours want to see that do you." She added and nodded down to his boxer shorts. He turned her around and put his hands around her waste and rested them on the bump. He walked her towards the door and whispered into her ear from behind.

"Where did you get that speech from anyway Dr Hanna, it was very impressive."

"Straight from the heart Mr Jordan straight from the heart. A heart, You know that thing that is missing from inside YOUR chest."

"Very funny" He said as he tickled her sides and she giggled as she tried to squirm away from him. Once he had caught up with her, he had gotten hold of her once more and kissed her again. Her hands went around his waist, onto his backside as he pushed her against the door. Their tongues playfully searched for each other as the kiss deepened and his hands began to wonder all over her again. She started to move towards the bathroom door and uttered "Shower?" In her sexiest voice he nodded and she pulled him against the bathroom door. She was still kissing him as she pulled down the handle, pushed him into the bathroom and said.

"Shower, cold. You need one." And laughed out loud as she closed the door.

"TEASE!" She heard him shout as the familiar sound of shower water was heard against the glass of the door inside...

_**that's it I thought we would have some Nick POV on how he would feel about the baby. Hope you all enjoyed it. I know its going to be a long one and i don't want to just jump straight to the birth. Next chapter is going to be hard, Im thinking of a name for the baby ;) any input would be greatly received as long as its not something like "Mercedes" or "Charity" lol. Has anyone seen the spoilers for 8th Jan? Nick gets held hostage at a warehouse ;) see I cant be that bad lol **_


	18. Chapter 18

_**Hi guys... sorry for the delay i have written this chapter like 3 times because i couldn't get it right and Ive been mad busy at work. So here's the next chapter hope you all enjoy and Merry Christmas xxx**_

**Chapter 18**

Nick had gone back into work the next day, after his day of relaxation with Zoe. They hadn't really done much just spent time together watching TV, eating dinner, just being with each other. This had also helped with the worry and anxiety over his mortality and, of course, Zoe had helped set his mind at rest, well for the time being anyway. Now he was back in his ED where he belonged and everything was OK. He lent back in his chair and put his arms behind his head and smiled to himself. The ED was running like clockwork again. He had gotten the patient waiting times down wherever possible, Henry was happy and of course everything in his private life was going swimmingly. He leaned forward and opened his desk drawer and pulled out the photograph of himself and Zoe that he had taken from her fridge. They looked so happy with each other. He smiled again and rubbed over her face lightly with his thumb. The two most important things in his life, captured in one moment. His soul mate and his ED, perfection.

Just then a knock on the door startled him as he quickly ushered the photograph back into its rightful place.

"Come in" He called as he pretended to be writing intently onto a patient file. He looked up "Aww Charlie Fairhead and what can I do for you?"

"Sorry to bother you Mr Jordan, but Noel is having a few problems with your clinical standards manager." Nick tutted out loud and rolled his eyes.

"whats she done now?" He said sarcastically.

"She's trying to rearrange the filing system he uses." Nick shook his head and stood up. He really regretted appointing Ruth in this role and left the office quickly to deal with her. "So much for everything running like clockwork" He uttered as he left the office.

At the nurses station were Ruth, Noel, Jay and Big Mac. Nick could hear raised voices and quickly interjected their heated discussion.

"What is going on here? This is an emergency department not the Jeremy Kyle show, could you kindly lower your voices." He said with authority.

"Shes messing with my filing Mr Jordan." Noel winged.

"Ruth?" He glared at her angrily.

"I am merely pointing out that Noel could easily reduce the workload and waiting time for doctors by re-arranging his system." She said bossily.

"Its worked so far." Noel said, feeling sorry for himself.

"Yes and last time you tried to screw around with it, the whole thing got cocked up." Big mac added, as he backed up his friend.

"And who are you? The porter? hurry along now don't you have some beds to push or something." Ruth said sarcastically. They all shook their heads and Big Mac skulked off. They then all began to talk over each other.

"Ok. Ok can we all get back to our jobs please. Ruth, I think that Noel has an effective system as we have clearly seen waiting times fall over the past few weeks."

"Well actually, in my audits and surveys..." Ruth started but Nick interrupted as he was angry.

"And Dr winters i suggest you stop talking to MY staff in this manner and start doing what I pay you too. First and foremost you are a doctor and..."

Just then Zoe burst through the ED doors carrying several large shopping bags, looking out of breath. Nick turned and noticed her.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" He said as he ran from behind the nurses station to help her. "I told you to get my driver." He said as he began taking the bags from her.

"Oh I took a taxi I didn't know how long I would be." She said as she held the bottom of her back with her free hand and waddled over to lean against the nurses station.

"Jesus Zoe, What did you do buy EVERYTHING they had? This weighs a tonne." He rested the rest of the bags down as Jay, Ruth, Noel and Big Mac all watched the display with giant grins on their faces. She sighed and rested.

"You should not be doing all this Christmas shopping in your condition you know. Its now you need to be careful ,for yourself as much as her, carry on like this and she's going to be making an early appearance." He had gone off into one of his Nick Jordan lectures and not even realised what he had said. Zoe winced and closed her eyes. The grins on the faces of the staff had been replaced by expressions of happiness and amazement. Zoe shook her head, and rested it on her elbow.

"What?" He uttered. "I'm serious we still have 2 weeks that's plenty of time to go together." He looked around at all the staff and noticed their faces. He then realised what he had said and put his hand to his mouth, then took it away and mouthed Im sorry to her.

"Oh my god your having a girl thats so cool." Jay ran around the desk and hugged Zoe.

"Congratulations woo wooo" Noel added as Charlie shook Nick's hand. He then pretended to whisper to Zoe but loud enough so Nick would hear him.

"God help the poor bloke who ends up marrying her." He winked at Nick and then kissed Zoe on the cheek.

"Well done motor mouth!" Zoe said playfully as the whole ED was buzzing with excitement.

"Oh well everyone knows now. But do that look again..." He replied and lightly touched her backside.

"Right Im going to leave for the evening. Ruth, we will discuss this matter further in my office tomorrow." He said sternly and stormed off to get his coat.

"Congratulations." Ruth said coldly, with no compassion at all. She then walked away and Zoe stuck her middle finger up at her behind her back.

"tut tut Dr Hanna." Noel said.

"yeah wel her whole attitude stinks and im pregnant, my hormones are all over the place." They all laughed.

"So have you get any names, can i be uncle Jay now?" Jay added excitedly as Nick appeared back with his belongings.

"No names and no way you kidding?" She said and laughed.

"Right lets get this lot into the car, although i think we may need a removal van for the amount of stuff you have." He joked and she pushed him slightly.

"Come on MR Jordan." She joked.

"Congrats again!" Shouted the gang.

"Thankyou everyone. Now back to work." He said...

Back at home Nick had carried all her bags upstairs and was helping to unpack them, although alot of the bags were Christmas presents for him so she had secretly hidden them away.

"Dr Hanna, why do we need like 20 different types of coloured baubles for the Christmas tree?" He said as he began unwrapping them.

"Oh shut it and unpack. They have to match the decor." She added.

"I didn't think you would be into all this tacky Christmas stuff." he said as he continued to unpack.

"awww well you thought wrong. Christmas is special."

"Oh yeah its special alright. Full of drunken yobbos getting into fights and abusing my staff with the occasional battered santa thrown into the mix." He grumbled.

"oohh baaaa humbug." She said and threw a piece of tinsel at him. Just as she did this, the baby moved and Zoe smiled and grabbed Nicks hand. She pulled his palm onto the flat of her stomach.

"See your daughter seems to like them." She smiled and he returned the smile. He held her stomach for a few minutes and his face was glowing with pride. He then took the piece of tinsel she had thrown at him and wrapped it around her neck. He used it to pull her face towards him and he kissed her softly and winked at her.

"So, what we going to call her any thoughts?" He asked with curiosity.

"I dunno really what do you think? She asked him.

"Well it needs to be something sophisticated for when she is a top surgeon." He replied.

"What like Gertrude Jordan the III" She joked and laughed out loud.

"Actually, that was my mothers name." He said deadly serious. He then smiled at Zoe and they both laughed as she threw another bit of tinsel at his face. She busied herself with unpacking the shopping bags half listening.

"hmmmm how about Elizabeth." He said. She didn't look up but just uttered "Boring" he continued, "or Catherine or Margaret?"

"Are you serious? my daughter is not going to be called Margaret Jordan, its 2010 not 1910!" She laughed.

"Well I don't see you being very forthcoming with anything do I?" He replied.

"Well, I kind of liked Isobel." Nick stopped what he was doing and was motionless. He stared at the floor then looked up into Zoe's eyes. They both read each other and knew that was the perfect name for their little girl.

"Isobel Jordan." He said proudly, "That's our girl." He winked at her and With that he pulled Zoe back towards him and they kissed passionately. This was probably the most special moment they had shared in their relationship so far and they were both really happy... for the time being anyway.

_**right im leaving it there. Sorry its very dialogue driven, that's why I wasn't sure and kept adding like pointless bits to it, then removing it. Also i am very tired so sorry if it sucks. Hope you enjoyed and I tried to use some of your feedback in my story. You are my audience and your reviews are so important so thankyou and have a great christmas xxx**_

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